bean

The End of an Era

2011-11-12T12:53:00.000-07:00

This is the end of this blog. My new blog is up, although it's design still needs a lot of tweaking. I decided to just get it workable so I could post--it's been holding me back, you see, and I've been dying to post.

My new blog's address is bethanyshoults.blogspot.com

Hope you like it! Be sure to give me some feedback.

Changes

2011-10-26T13:57:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. There is a reason. Maybe not a good one, but, anyhow, it's this: I am getting a new blog and ditching this one. I've been wanting to for a while. A long long while. For one thing, the address of this blog is a constant source of embarrassment and regret. Almost as soon as I chose it for my address (eight years ago in gr.12 no less) I regretted it. It is so dumb! Very keen fun machine?? It just doesn't fit. Another thing is I want my blog to go in a new direction. When I started this blog eight years ago, blogs were new, not a log had been done with them, not many people had them. Now things have evolved (for the better, I think) and I've had a yearning to move ahead too. Labee has been trying to get me to look at this blog for a while, and I resisted. I think a part of me resisted because I knew it would inspire me to change out of the every day humdrum. So when I finally looked I loved it and it did indeed inspire me. This is another blog that has inspired me. The bottom line is, inspired in large part by those two blogs, as well as by thoughts and ideas that have been floating around in my head for over a year now, I have decided to start a new blog. One featuring my art (I've been painting up the wazoo) (coincidentally, I hate the phrase 'up the wazoo'), some fun cartoons, and with a weekly installment of my frustration drawings for all to enjoy. It will also include updates from my life. All in all it's going to be a more creative place. It's going to buzz with my creativity. Speaking of my creativity, it HAS been buzzing lately. Non-stop. Oh yeah. And I've decided to be an artist. An artist who sells her paintings. There was nothing holding me back from doing this before except myself, and I guess I've officially stepped out of the way. Go me! Ok now I have to go.

ps: I am addicted to the apple cider vinegar cucumbers stott introduced me to.

little fears, a breif update

2011-10-13T23:23:00.000-06:00

I realize I haven't blogged in a long time. I just have a few things to say.
One: I got my license!
Two:We are officially moved to the trailer court
Three: Owen and Angus got croup
Four:While visiting Sarah in Kelowna she dyed my hair and now it's a wonderful myriad of dark brown, copper, red, and blond.

I've been so tired lately. And then I gained two pounds out of nowhere. There's always the little fear that I'm pregnant...and as you know, an unplanned pregnancy can be a leetle stressful. But (I feel like I need to clarify this) well worth it in the end when you've got a fat little urchin like my little curly-topped Angus. Anyways, those two things combined aren't enough to make me seriously consider the possibility of being with child. Especially since, you know...we are being careful...(a little too much information?).

Now that I can drive I feel so powerful. I feel on an equal level with big burly men because they can drive and I can too. I feel so free.

I've been reading in my gr 12 journal. Wow. It is boys, boys, and more boys. Eventually all the insignificant other boys get eclipsed by Chip, and then my entire diary is a Chip log. It must be pretty boring to read. Sorry future generations.

The dry wall in the living room and the boys' room is cracked, and as it so happens, both those rooms are painted this horrible puke light orangey-brown, and Janice (landlady) said she'd pay for paint if we wanted to paint. I've been thinking mint green for the living room with chocolate brown accents and chocolate brown for the boys' room with a pale blue wall, or a light brown wall. Can't decide. I hate it when people say 'well, dark colours make a room seem smaller' it's so annoying, it's made so many people afraid of vibrant colours! Dark walls can make a room look smaller, but it can also add interest and beauty and atmosphere. Warmth and all that. White is so flavourless and bland! Unless it's done stylishly. Which is possible.

I should go to bed.

Sunday Wearin

2011-09-27T12:16:00.000-06:00

We are in the midst of a move and the house is chaos. I don't have much time to be on the computer, but I have a few minutes right now, so I thought i'd post some pictures of the outfit I wore on Sunday. It consists of all thrifted items except for the pencil skirt. One of the trends that I love right now is taking old-lady clothes and making them cool. Like that purple flower-print vest. It's a fun challenge.

I have tons to get done though, so I must go.

Four Leaf Clovers. Unfortunate Salsa Incidence.

2011-09-21T14:53:00.000-06:00

I canned some salsa the other day and tried it today. It is limey. I sort of decided spur of the moment while I was making it to add a lil lime zest and juice (of about one lime). And it totally took over the flavour! And it was a big batch! I'm afraid Ben won't like it now. Also, it's not very spicy. But at least I've learned so next years'll be better.

Oh yeah, and we're moving. Our friends offered us a trailer at 200 less than what we're paying now. Originally they were going to let us build a fence, but now the trailer court landlord says no. Pooh! I was so looking forward to that. You have no idea how much. I've been longing for a fenced in yard. This sucks!

There's so many things I should be doing but I don't want to do any of it.

I found three four leaf clovers today. And one five leaf clover. Some people don't believe me when I say things like that. But they are easy to find. Whenever I look for some, I find some. Easy peasy. Dave kept two of the clovers for his 'remembrance book'. 'Well I'll be dipped!' He exclaimed excitedly when I showed them to him.

Stand up to Bullies.

2011-09-14T23:35:00.001-06:00

Tonight after Angus was in bed, and Owen was in his pajamas, I heard yelling from the downstairs neighbours. You may remember me mentioning them before, here and here. They often fight, yelling and spewing out the 'f' word for the entire complex to hear. Lots of times we can hear the baby crying and I've lots of times wondered if he hurt his girlfriend, from the things that I heard. It fills me with angst and horror. I can't relax and my heart breaks for the little girl, who is about a year younger than Owen. Well, tonight I heard the fight go outside and I heard her sobbing and yelling for him to get off her. I was so frightened but I opened my door and looked, and I saw him dragging her across the gravel. She was struggling but he pushed her and forced her. She had scrapes and cuts on her arms and body. Before I knew what I was doing and I was yelling at him to stop. He turned and saw me. He yelled at me that she was trying to leave and then he turned back to his girlfriend and grabbed her head and pushed his head against hers and yelled at her fine, to leave. "You can't treat her that way!" I shouted. I was shaking. He turned and went back inside and slammed the door. The girl (I don't even know her name) turned, crying and shivering, and went and sat down in the middle of the driveway. I asked her if she wanted to come upstairs. I asked her if she wanted the phone. I asked her if there was anything I could do. She didn't want any help. She told me she hated him, then she grabbed a rock and threw it at the door as hard as she could (I could smell alcohol surrounding her in a cloud). He came bursting out of the door and grabbed her again and shook her, yelling at her that she couldn't throw rocks at 'his house'. I was holding Owen and I was horrified that he was witnessing this. 'Stop it!" I yelled again. He turned and went back inside, slamming the door hard enough to shake the whole building. I tried to comfort the girl but she was distant and after she grabbed his bike and threw it, she went back inside. I came back inside and I called Ben. I didn't know what to do. I was suddenly afraid that I had done a stupid thing getting involved. I was afraid of that guy and his explosive temper. Ben got permission to leave work and he told our sort-of landlord (he's hired by our real landlord and is sort of a care taker) (he lives behind us in a trailer). Then Ben came inside to see me. He told me that when he'd come up, the people downstairs had been sitting together talking. She'd been sitting on his lap. The landlord said to call the cops, but we decided not to, because if they were all lovey dovey, what can we do? If she doesn't want to be rescued, what can we do?
It is so upsetting. And what's more, now that we know for sure that he is abusive, we don't feel safe living here. We don't want our children exposed to anything like that. We are talking seriously about moving.

For the rest of the time Owen was awake, I played with him and tried extra hard to keep him happy. He seemed unphased by what he saw, and he laughed hysterically when we played with his gigantic new ball from WalMart. Then he had a glass of milk and sat on my lap as we watched Max and Ruby. (I love that show. As far as children's shows go). I wish I could be as unphased. I feel just awful. But I know it was the right thing to do. If I hadn't stood up to him I would have regretted it, I know. I have to tell myself that, because another part of me is trying to say that is was stupid to interfere, and didn't help anything, and may have put my family in danger. But I did what I thought was right, and if I can't trust my own sense of right, that is a problem.

Anyways, enough about that. It is getting late and I have a lot of skins piling up that I need to get cracking on.

Invasion

2011-09-06T22:52:00.001-06:00

I have to admit, paranoia has set in. Today we killed five wolf spiders. Yesterday, four, and there was one that got away. Every day more and more wolfs. I obsessively keep the floor clear from clutter--toys, clothes, shoes, socks, boxes, wrappers, what have you--anything where a wolf might be lurking. Every time I enter a room I do a scan of the floor, and then of the walls. Every time my foot touches something unfamiliar--a crumb on the floor, perhaps--I quickly look to see if it is a wolf. The worst part is, I know they are here. They are lurking somewhere just out of sight. One could appear at any moment. Our outside stairs are crowded with webs. The outside frame of our door is thick with webs. Our balcony is beginning to accumulate webs in the corners. Wolfs invading from every side. It is really hot at night, but I am afraid to open our (unscreened) window to let in a cool breeze, for fear that when I open my eyes there will be a large wolf spider splayed on the wall a few inches from my head. Something must be done. I cannot live like this.

Mayhem

2011-09-04T23:42:00.001-06:00

Sundays are powerhouse days. It is, ironically, the most exhilarating day of the week for me. Especially when Ben's not here. They call for the most stretching, you see. They are challenging and exhausting, but always, funnily enough, so rewarding. I feel like I've accomplished something by the end of the day. I sooth hurts and anxieties, entertain and love my children on a daily basis, but it is definitely an accomplishment to do so on a crowded pew during a hushed meeting where people are hoping for a sacred atmosphere unsullied by crying/yelling/tantrums. By the end of the first hour, Owen had bashed his head against the back of the pew (and had to be taken out temporarily until he recovered his equilibrium) , Angus had dropped half the toys I brought on the floor behind us, board books were fought over, a whole baggie of cheerios devoured, a bottle of milk half-heartedly drunk--and I was plumb worn out. Gail of course bore some of the brunt. But really I am pleased with Owen's progress in ~~sitting~~ staying in a pew for one hour. And Angus of course is a duck. He really is. It's positively RUDE how cute he is. By the way, he is walking now. Who does he think he is??

After church Gail drove me home and Ben was awake, so we all went to his parent's house. There were bbq-d burgers and hot dogs, but a night of frequently interrupted sleep and three hours of only just controlled mayhem had me feeling the full weight of my heavy head. Ben pretty much forced me to go lie down, so I did. I went to the room where Owen was having his nap and crawled in the bed and was asleep in minutes. I woke up when he did and felt a million times better. Then I came into the kitchen and ate two burgers. Then we all played high-low-medium and Abby made zucchini brownies and eventually Ben and I left. And now he is at work. And I should be going to bed, let's see...NOW. (or I will regret it.)

you remember me mentioning mayhem?

waste not want not

2011-08-29T20:01:00.000-06:00

I made chokecherry jelly today! And also, slow-roasted pulled pork sandwiches. Both things I've never made before. Both delicious! It's so satisfying to make use of all the bounty that surrounds us! Next is chokecherry syrup--and raspberry jam--and saskatoon berry wine vinegar! Oh yes, and let's not forget crabapples. They are beginning to ripen.

The other day I was waiting for Ben to get home, and when I saw him pull up, I went to open the door. But of course, I saw the quick-as-lightning movement of spider legs curling back into the doorjam. I think I have super heightened senses when it comes to spiders and their movements. Anyhow, we don't get many spiders here. Not of the ilk of the giant wolf spiders that climb up the drains in Nanaimo and reside crouching menacingly in your sink. There have been the odd few spider encounters in our (upstairs) suite, but considering we are upstairs and that it's colder here, there are fewer spiders. And the ones I have had to deal with are small and not very alarming. So anyways, Ben opened the door and I shrieked that there was a spider. I had only seen it's legs, but that was enough to tell me: a wolf spider. And it was--a big one. Ben killed it and I sighed in relief--only to find another one sprawled defensively in the bathtub. Ben killed it, too. But by that time I knew. You don't just find two wolf spiders in the same dwelling within 5 minutes of each other--not unless you have a healthy colonization. Sure enough, the next day I found one crawling in Angus' little corduroy pants. And this morning, walking through the kitchen, I broke a single strand of web. And later today the largest wolfy yet, perched on the kitchen wall.
Our particular breed is the 'rabid wolf spider'--it looks like this:

(that's not my hand)

Sometimes I find myself sympathizing with spiders, and that makes it seem cruel to kill them. It's unfortunate.

So what with the pork and the jelly and the housekeeping, I've had myself a full day. Tomorrow I plan on making the syrup, apparently it's to die for on pancakes.

aren't the curls on the back of Angus' head adorable?

Lethargy

2011-08-26T23:26:00.000-06:00

That pilsbury cookie dough? The kind you buy in a tube? So gross! It doesn't even taste like real food. And it gives me a stomach ache.

This morning we went to Ben's parent's house to print off a copy of his resume. No one was there. First thing, Owen went to the raspberry patch to pick berries, but after a while he came inside. "Dosh?" he called. "Doshe? Dosh?" So cute. Josh is the only person he will call by name. He won't say 'mommy' or 'daddy'. He won't say 'gramma'. But he will say Josh. Or 'Doshe.' But close enough.

After we left his parent's house, we'd planned to go to the lake, but I didn't feel like it anymore. Lethargy hit me hard. Instead we took the kids to the park downtown. Angus crawled (and walked) around, Owen went down the slide a few times, and then Daddy took out the snacks. He'd brought a container full of freshly picked raspberries and Saskatoon berries from his parent's. They all just sat down where they were in the middle of the park to eat them. I was about to protest, but you remember I mentioned lethargy? Oh what the heck, I thought, and I sat down with them. We ate until the berries were no more. By this time Angus' fingers were stained berry red and he had a beard of raspberry juice. And his sleeper was covered in bright red stains. I released him from his sleeper right then and there as we sat in the park, kids and adults alike running around us. His chubby little body gleamed in the sun, and he was about to start chubbily crawling away as fast as his fat hands could slap the ground, so I declared that it was time to go. It just isn't right to let a naked baby play under a hot sun. Even a lethargic Mom, like me, will try and protect her baby from sunburn. Anyway, we left.

I was tired and listless most of the day. Then late afternoon I snapped out of it. I made dinner, put on some laundry, folded and put away the clean laundry, cleaned our room, and got some more done on the quiet book I'm making for Owen. Then when the load was done, I hung it all up to dry. Yessir I was on a roll. I could get so much done in a day if I had the will. Today as I walked through the house, noting it's general state of cluttered, barely-contained mess, I felt a stab of guilt for about the thousandth time. But then my inner voice (who is getting stronger) spoke up. 'Your house looks like this because you aren't willing to put more work into it,' she told me bluntly. It's true. I just don't care enough. Everyone has their own level of accepted cleanliness. I hate living in a sty, but do I care that much about a little clutter on the computer desk, as long as the floor is clean and vacuumed? No. Not really. shrug.

Besides, who can obsess about housework when they have such adorable babies to tend to? Speaking of which, one wants me desperately right now. Must go.

pots, push-ups and headbands

2011-08-24T21:04:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't been posting very much lately. I just haven't felt like it. I've gone through a batch of lazy, languorous days. They have been wonderful. That isn't to say I haven't done my fair share...I have...I can't really get away with not. But there was one day where Ben took both children to his parents and left me for about 4 hours, and I did NOTHING. Well, I suppose I shouldn't say nothing. I watched Heartland and painted. Being creatively productive is still productivity. It felt so nice to just not do any housework.

I mentioned in my last post about the kids playing with a pot of water. I took some cute pics of it. As well as a slew of other pictures:

This is the adorable 'sweetpea' onesie from Aunty Amy:

one crazy laughing photo

now we are calm. and Angus is raising a brow.

Yes, Ben is shirtless, and that is scandalous, but the real point of this picture is that we cut Owen's hair! My heart broke a little after we did because he looked so much older. I had to adjust to this older, long-limbed boy to being my son.

fudgsicle dripping down his chin but still so beautiful!

I instructed Ben to do push-ups while toting a squirmy Owen on his back:

then both babies attacked Daddy:

Today my strange, funny lil boy brought me a baby's hat and a headband and asked me to put them on him. (not in so many words. He held them out to me beseechingly and said 'buthibye, buthibye!' which is how he asks for things). So I put them on him and he went around for much of the evening proudly wearing them.

well that about wraps it up! I KNOW I have other things I wanted to say, but I forget them all! That ever happen to anyone else?

Hobarta

2011-08-18T20:16:00.000-06:00

Ben doesn't know how to take my cabin fever. (Yes, although I, with firmness, tamp down my sister's cabin fever, it is true that sometimes I am afflicted with it too). He is at a loss how to take me. He gives me lots of hugs and patronizing pats and tries to gently push me aside. It can't be done. This only aggravates the disease and causes it to flare up. You know what I mean.

Owen and Angus are on the balcony playing amiably with a pot of water. Something so simple provides so much entertainment. And Ben is gone for his first night of work. I sent him off tired. These past four days have been crazy. His friends came to visit, and Ben lost out on a lot of sleep in order to visit with them. While they were here we went tubing down Horsefly River. That's when my hands and feet almost froze off, and oh yes, also when I bashed my tail bone against a jagged rock. For the first two days I couldn't get up or sit down or bend over in any measure without painful slowness. I looked like an old man. It is still sore today but much better.

For dinner tonight I made pizza using my gluten-free pancake mix. Success.

Oh and by the way, Hobart has turned out to be a 'Hobarta'. He (her) and Phillup are evidently in love. I'm thinking I like the name Giselle? What do you think? I liked the name Hobart but I can let it go I suppose.

Now I've got two wet children to towel off and get ready for bed.

Adjusted

2011-08-12T23:40:00.001-06:00

um...how cute are they??

And I felt left out so I snapped a pic of me looking dreamily up at the sky:

These were taken tonight after Ben left for his 3rd night of graveyard. Today was a hard day for him because he only got 5 and a bit hours of sleep, poor man. The thing is, I had a chiropractic appointment at 2 and he was so anxious about it he got up at 1 and couldn't get back to sleep. I swear, I shouldn't tell him things until the second they need to get done. I scheduled the chiropractic appt the other day in a rush. My back has been getting worse and worse and I knew something needed to be done. I've never mentioned it on here before, but it's gotten to the point where I can't even look down, and sitting down on the floor or a hard chair causes extreme discomfort. I knew I needed something done, and that if I waited, we'd just run out of money and I'd have to wait until the next paycheck, and it would just go on and it'd keep getting worse. So I just did it, without consulting Ben. And I'm so glad I did. I asked Abby for a recommendation, because she sees chiropractors all the time, and she told me a few people. I chose the one who she mentioned is gentle and massages first. Hello, yes please for a massage! The only other time I've been adjusted in my life was with Dr. Pontius and I didn't like it at all. It was rough and short and unpleasant.

But oh wow, Sheila, did such a good job! She prodded at my back and it tensed all up and I got ticklish (like I do) so she put a heating pad on my back and left me to relax. and by the time she came back I was all drowsy and she massaged my back and it felt sooo good (massaging is like my favourite thing in the world. And my husband is going to be an RMT. in'nit great?) and when she adjusted me there were like a million cracks and pops. She was so surprised and pleased and how well everything moved and adjusted.
'You really relaxed well' she commented.
'I'm good at relaxing' I proudly admitted. I learned how to relax while giving birth the second time. It's an invaluable skill. Anyways, now my back feels so healthy and loose and wonderful! Ah, aren't chiropractors and massage therapists and all those people great? What a wonderful profession. Most people's backs are so messed up...

Anyways I've gushed enough. I need to be cleaning right now because Ben's friend and his wife are coming to visit us and they'll be here tomorrow. Ben is so excited. I doubt he'll even be able to sleep tomorrow when he comes home from work.

I started watching Heartland again due to Laura's recommendation and I gotta admit that I'm a little hooked.

what clothes am I wearing? Oh I'm so glad you asked:

2011-08-07T13:32:00.000-06:00

Today for church I donned my thrifted old-lady pink skirt. It has pockets and an elastic waist. I love it. Also please note my wedding ring which I'm wearing around my neck. Ben wanted to point this out. He is so very proud of that ring. It's so sad that my body rejects it. Every time I wear it I get an angry, itchy rash.

and after church I quickly slipped into the comfiest outfit ever. My charcoal leggings and an oversized blue gingham button up. The amusing part about the button up is that it is Dave's. If you would have told me three years ago that I would be wearing Dave's clothes by choice, I would have laughed at you. And now look!

happy sunday!

I was playing around with the pencil crayons Ben got me for Christmas last night...

2011-08-05T21:24:00.000-06:00

and just sort of produced this. The shading on the tree bugs me but all in all I think it's sort of pleasing.

2011-08-05T14:37:00.000-06:00

The other day we trundled into the car and made our way to the pet shop to get a companion for Phillip. Half an hour later we were on our way home--toting a disgruntled bird. May I present, Hobart:

(he is the yellow one)

Hobart and Phillip sometimes fight over food, but otherwise the situation is congenial.

Summer has arrived in Williams Lake. While I did, admittedly, enjoy the cool weather, the awesome summer storms (July was one big storm), and refreshing, moist breezes reminiscent of home, I always harboured a hope that August would bring summer for real. And it appears that is has. We have gone to Scout Island almost every day, and the kids love it. I wouldn't swim there, but lots of people do. The water is too greenish/yellow for comfort, plus there's just a lot of goose poo. But Ben and I wade along the shore and skip rocks (I have yet to get more than two skips) (Ben gets about 7 skips) and Angus sits his fat bum in the water and studies rocks with absorbing attention, and Owen frolics around excitedly. It is nice. If only there were a swimable lake in town.

a few digestible chunks

2011-07-26T15:13:00.001-06:00

I haven't posted in a while and life is as usual moving on. Here are some highlights for you to digest:

-Our clippers met an untimely death, and meanwhile Ben's hair was really shaggy. (as an aside...I really like his hair shaggy. He looked really handsome. But Ben can't stand hair touching his ears, so, what can you do?). So anyways, I attempted to cut his hair with scissors. I didn't do a bad job either, having been somewhat trained on the basics by Stott. But the back and sides were choppy. So we ended up getting a new hair cutting kit, as he wanted his hair cut right away and had to work that night. Anyhow, one thing led to another and I got a little too wild with the clippers. I shaved the back of Ben's head bald, leaving a little shelf of hair at the top rim of his head. This was an ACCIDENT, by the way. I did not do that on PURPOSE. (I know some of you are thinking I may have). So then the only thing we could do was shave it all. Ben looks really tough with a shaved head. I took some pictures that you might agree. (he insisted on wearing his leather jacket for the pictures)

-This past weekend was another grueling one. Ben was hired to wash the inside and outside windows of this huge house, and he wanted my help. So Gail said she'd watch the kids and off we went. Well, it didn't go that well. Ben had to leave and quickly spend literally the last of our money on a cheap squeegee, because the lady didn't like our method of washing the inside windows. The cheap squeegee caused us a lot of pain. It was so streaky and you had to wash a window three or four times before getting it right. And she had a lot of windows--and a lot of huge pictures windows. Naturally this bad squeegee slowed us right down. In the end we had to just go over the windows with the good squeegee anyways. The lady was not happy with how long it took us and even when Ben took off an hour she was still a little snooty. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. We worked really hard.

-Today I have been so productive that I have impressed myself immensely. I currently have three things fermenting happily in the kitchen as I type. The first is a jar of Rejuvelac, a nutritious, sprouted grain drink that destroys harmful bacteria in the intestinal tract, develops healthy strains, and has so many nutritional elements, such as vitamins, proteins, etc, that it could be classified as a food by itself. (it's proteins and starches are 'predigested' which makes the nutrients immediately available for assimilation).
The second is a jar of home made sauerkraut, which is also very nutritious.
The third is a bowl full of what will hopefully turn out to be a successful batch of pineapple vinegar.
On top of all this I also made some delicious homemade guacamole (reaaally garlicky), cleaned the kitchen and living room, folded laundry and put on a new load. AND dealt with two babies. Owen kicked Angus in the face, for example. I think it was an accident, but it's hard to say.

Both babies are sleeping!! I think I'll take the opportunity to read and sleep.

HP and A Useful Hun

2011-07-18T15:02:00.000-06:00

Phillup Trenton is flying around and around. He is used to Ben and I now, and will hop onto our fingers, but other than a little trust, he doesn't like us much I'm sure. We're debating whether we should get him a fellow bird friend now, or wait until he likes us more.

Ben and I saw Harry Potter on Saturday and it was so so good. It filled me right up to the top with contentment and bliss. A good story will do that to me. I was riding a high all the rest of that night, but paid for it by being extra low the next day. There are some people I just can't stand sometimes...but on a public blog it's not safe to say more than that.

Anyhow, on Saturday we also dropped Owen and Angus off at Tanessa's (she and her mom run a daycare in their home) so that I could help him wash this huge house in the new rich area of town. There was no one else to help him, and it would have taken him all day if I hadn't come. Anyways, it was fun. It was like giving the house a bath. And I was really happy that I was there to help out hun. At first I was really nervous. Ben just did not understand what I had to be nervous about, but he still doesn't get that I get nervous about EVERYTHING. 'What if I don't clean it good enough?' 'What if I make a mistake?' 'What if I slow you down...' etc etc. You get the gist. I got Ben to tell me in extreme detail everything I would have to do. And of course once I started my nervousness fled as I had known it would. I scrubbed the siding and the eaves troughs and washed the windows while Ben cleaned out the gutters and got really muddy and gross. And when Ben was done, he took over the scrubbing part and I rinsed all the soap and water off. We were done in 4 and a half hours, when it would have taken Ben at least 7 hours by himself. I felt so proud of myself all the rest of the day for being such a helpful and useful hun. A big pat on the back to myself as elementary school teachers are so fond of saying.

And Owen and Angus were two little angels who apparently caused no trouble at all. That's the plus side to having a shy child, he always behaves well to strangers. And as for Angus, he is just a content little fat urchin anyhow. When we walked in the gather them up he was contentedly snuggled in and propped up by a giant quilt and sucking on a bottle of apple/orange juice.

Speaking of 'gus, I'm neglecting him right now. Better go.

Matronly Inner Voices and The Luckless Fly

2011-07-12T23:55:00.002-06:00

I've had a hard four days of it and I don't mind saying so. Although to be honest, they haven't been bad days, just hard. Angus, you see, has some sort of malady. I'm not sure what. For three days he had a fever (it got pretty high, too) and a cold and he was vomiting occasionally too. The past two days he hasn't had a fever, but he is still just as fussy as ever and seems to have some sort of diarrhea, as well as a rash all over his torso. And he keeps chewing his finger which makes me think he might be teething. He cries constantly and there's almost nothing I can do. Owen suffers too from lack of attention. He already has a complex, I think, about Angus.

So yesterday, amidst both Owen and Angus' crying, I socked and shoed them and strapped Angus to me with a snuggle wrap and plopped Owen in a stroller and went for a walk. I prayed to get through the day, to have the patience and love and compassion my children would need. I huffed and puffed, with Angus' 20 pounds of solid fat baby bobbing in front of me and pushing Owen in the stroller. Do any of you have an inner voice that pipes up when you start being really negative? I've got one. I invented her I'm not sure when, to help me turn around my intense negative disposition. I walked along, thinking pessimistically about the long hard day ahead of me, wherein I would be needed to a degree hard to bear.

'cheer up honey,' my inner voice spoke up. She is a sonsy, matronly, kindly voice with no nonsense about her. 'no need to dwell on the negative,' she reminded me. 'you just try your best.'
My inner voice always heartens me up considerably.

The walk was nice. It was the first time that whole morning when one or both children weren't crying. Angus bobbed in silence and Owen murmured his quiet baby talk. It was a short walk, and when we got back I set Owen free, and he led me to the wilderness of wildflowers in the back of our house. We wandered there for some time, amidst sunny yellow flowers, some tall clover-like flowers ranging from dark, vivid purple to mauve to almost white, and--and--daisies! So many daisies. I picked a fat bouquet and when we got back inside I put them in a jar and set them on the counter. Flowers brighten up the dullest and ugliest places.

I felt pretty good after my walk, and my prayers, and my talking-to from my inner voice, and my flower-picking. It was nice not to hear a baby crying too. When we got back inside Angus went down for his nap and there was blessed silence. I played with Owen and gave him my attention which he loved. And it made me feel good and like I was a good Mom.

After his nap Angus was much more cheerful. And once Ben woke up things went along more smoothly. I snapped some pics of this fat urchin as he sat nakedly on the mat.

It's so hard to get Owen to make nice faces at the camera these days.

Angus had obviously just woken up. So cute.

Owen finds pestering flies a hilarious thing to do, and gets no end of delight from slapping at the poor, harried things as they zap against our window. Today one fly finally met a terrifying end at my two-year-old's hand. All I knew of it was Owen coming up to me burbling earnestly in his baby-talk and holding something out to me (wanting me to take it)--that I knew instinctively I should not take. It was small and beady and black. Owen persisted in holding it out to me and was seconds to dropping it in my hand before I quickly grabbed a notebook just in time. The dead fly fell harmlessly onto the notebook. 'thank you' I told Owen, who trotted off, contented. Then I tipped the luckless fly into the garbage. That was a close call. I don't believe I have ever touched a fly and I don't mean to start now.

A Tide of Creative Bliss

2011-07-08T16:55:00.000-06:00

Sometimes don't you find yourself so inspired by beautiful, creative things? I've been searching on etsy and am so full of inspiration I could burst. The feeling is all the more painful because I feel trapped by limitations and yet all I want to do is go out and create!
For instance, look at these...

I could never see myself wearing that kind of balloon/capri pant until I saw these. They're so colourful and pretty and unique!

And just look at this necklace...have you ever seen the like? Feeling a little covetous?? I know I am.

This painting makes me want to cry for it's pure beauty and nostalgia-inducing feelings! All this creativity and beauty makes me a little emotional, you know.

And imagine how elegant this crocheted capelet would look over a silky type blouse. Again, I've never seen myself in a capelet before, but this is so cute and pretty I now feel as if I NEED one.

And THIS is just cool. This would add so many layers of cool to an outfit. Sigh.

Beautiful...

so cute...

I must say, I'm in the type of mood to appreciate anything creative and lovely and of good report. I've torn myself away from etsy because there was a very real danger of me adding everything there to my 'favourites' list.

Speaking of creativity, I've been experimenting with some new vintage finds I picked up the other day at Sally Ann. Gail lent me her sewing machine (which I'm just going to keep until she asks for it back, as she never uses it) but I ran out of thread. We are THAT broke that I'm not thinking of going out to buy some...I just have to wait until Ben gets paid. 'Tis a pity because I am bursting. Bursting I tell you.

But in the meantime, here's a pick of this shirt that Laura found that we picked out for Ben to wear. He hates it and thinks it's so ugly, but I rather liked it so I decided to spruce it up for myself. I cut the sides so they swooped up higher and I rolled up the sleeves and sewed 'em in place. Then I added a belt. The end result isn't perfect, but it's my first foray into revising vintage finds and I'm rather proud of myself. What do you think?

I also could wear it this way (Ben's favourite)

Something I'm sadly lacking in, I've found, is accessories. I'm going to try and right this. Hopefully I can make a lot of my own. Originality is my song these days! I'm tired of following the herd, you know what I mean? That may or may not sound preposterous, but you'll just have to accept that. I am riding a high of creative bliss.

Here's a list of the shops on etsy where I found those wondrous items:

crazy genie pants: thaitied
dulche de leche necklace: DesignTheory
nostalgic painting: dkim
darling capelet: vivitoo
shredded scarf: cutrag
gorgeous feathered girl painting: silverridgestudio
adorable house ring: JDavisStudio

rodeo stampede yeeeehaw!

2011-07-05T18:10:00.000-06:00

Today I was sad to wake up. There was no exciting labee and no exciting things to do. Ben let me sleep in and then I went for a run. There was no labee there playing Dr Mario with Ben when I got back. The two of them really got going with their smash talk.
The 5 days labee were here went by really fast and they were really fun. Every day there was something to do. I can honestly say we didn't waste a single day. Isn't that the best?

Wow Ok it's the next day now...busy day...sheesh! I am more accustomed to the hum drum of every day now. Plus I am excited about a new project. I don't like to disclose my projects though until they are finished, otherwise it's just embarrassing when they don't get completed.
Laurabee just happened to come visit me during the stampede weekend! Which, in my opinion, is the most exciting time to come visit. La'bee was the perfect visitress, because she entered in to all the excitement of the Stampede with all the gusto one would wish. We were caught up in Rodeo fever a little bit. We each donned cowboy hats and I purchased a comfy men's denim shirt (secondhand) for the occasion. Which I quite like as a layering piece anyhow.

Saturday was the most jampacked. We (laurbee, babies and I) got up early and put on our especial cowgirl outfits so we'd be ready to go to the pancake breakfast at 8. The city puts on various pancake breakfasts during the entire weekend, and we decided to go to the Saturday one. It was a chilly day. I had to put jackets on the boys, and after the breakfast labee and I quickly drove back home to pick up some blankets and socks so we could watch the stampede parade in warmth and comfort. The parade was good. Not AMAZING by any means, but there was one marching band, and a Scottish one at that! And you know I love the Scottish snare drum style. Labee and I amused ourselves by picking our favourite horses out of each batch that went by. We usually picked the same one. 'Gus slept all chubbily snugged in the stroller for a lot of it, and when he woke up Gail held him and I was able to strap Owen into it. I kept him amused by plying him with the candy that the floats threw out. The First Nations role model was a geekily smiling and waving young lad. The fire department men were hunky. the stampede royalty girls waved in an extremely elegant way and switched to the other arm in unison.

After the parade there was the street party, and Laura and I strolled along and looked in some booths. We (well, I) were/was tantalized by the Barkerville fresh fudge booth, and we both contributed to buying a pricey and valuable box containing three pieces. We got English toffee, choc/peanbut, and turtle. Turtle, it must be said, had a simply devine layer of chewy, rich caramel. I always love the choc/peanbut (how can you go wrong?), and the English toffee had a layer of crunchy chocolate-covered toffee flakes on the top and a creamy layer of vanilla on the bottom. We imparted pieces of the precious fudge throughout the day.

We got tired of walking around the street party after a while and came back home for a quick lunch of smokies. Then we drove up to Dave and Gail's to drop off Owen. I fed him some soup and then put him to bed there, and then we left. By that time we were late so we just went straight to the Stampede Grounds even though I'd forgotten my cowboy hat at home. It's a good thing, too. The line was long and by the time we made it to a ticket window, the lady informed us the show was sold out. "So how do we get in?" I asked, beginning to feel anxious. "You can't," she said, "Unless you buy a reserved ticket, and they're two dollars more and all the way in the front so if it rains you'll get rained on."
"I don't care, as long as I get in," I proclaimed.
"OK..." She said dubiously, as though she thought I'd made the wrong choice. Labee and I bought out tickets and gratefully made our way into the stadium. "Did it seem as though she were trying to discourage us from buying the reserved tickets?" Labee wondered. I must say that it did.

Angus amused himself at first by eating a cracker, then sucking a bottle of goat milk, and finally nothing would do but to nurse. After that he was fussy. But we had been able to watch some steer ridin and some bull ridin and some calf ropin and by that time it was intermission. I petitioned labee to drive us home so I could drop Angus off with Ben (who'd been sleeping off his graveyard but was awake by then) so we could come back and watch the rest of the rodeo unhampered by baby. This was intense. But we made it back in time (only missing some inconsequential barrel racing) and watched the rest of the stampede.
Afterwards we picked up Owen and came home, utterly exhausted. Laura went to her room to sleep, but I had no such luxury. I had a very short time in which to make dinner for Ben before Laura and I had to head to Scout Island so she could do Dan/Abby's photo shoot. I made spaghetti, kissed Ben goodbye, woke up labee, and we were off. 'Gus fell asleep in the car so the whole time during the photo shoot I had to run back and forth with Owen to check on him.
When we left it started to rain. We stopped at the Canadian Wholesale Club to pick up some cheesecake and Magnum bars as a celebratory last evening treat. We arrived home and I bathed Owen and put him and Angus to bed. Then, exhausted, labee and I did picture stories. We were too tired to do much else. We stayed up late talking, and went to bed about midnight. A full day with nary a break.
Laura left the next day after sacrament meeting.

The end.

The Rodeo's Over/L'bee's Gone.

2011-07-03T22:33:00.000-06:00

Here is a better picture of my hair.

a steer ridin' kid.

I don't have time to write anymore, I'm settling down to watch some Anne of Green Gables with my man. Have a good night.

2011-06-29T19:59:00.000-06:00

Oh, I LOVE my hair now! It makes me feel so cute! It was just the way the lady styled it and all the gross sticky gunk she put in it. I showered it all out and styled it myself this morning and now I love it. LOVE. It makes all my clothes look cute, you know?

l'bee's here. She's sleeping on the couch. I'm making meatloaf. My own recipe. Basically I just threw a bunch of stuff together and didn't measure.

l'bee and I went to the Salvation Army today and got SO much stuff! I found so many awesome finds! So excited! I went with kind of a mudsy vibe but with a 'fub twist. L'bee's going to do a photo shoot of us tomorrow and I'll wear my Ode to Mudsy Vest. L'bee got some really neat vintage fabrics.

Ben and I got a bird yesterday. A budgie. Phillup.

I am disappointed.

2011-06-28T14:58:00.000-06:00

I asked for this:

and got this:

It's not at all what I wanted. You can pretty much tell by the pictures that I don't really like it. It's OK I guess...although from the side and back it's like a perfect ball. And she put so much gunk in that now it's really sticky and clumpy and greasy-looking and gross.

It is sad.

it's that time again

2011-06-27T16:15:00.000-06:00

I need help. I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. (the Sandra Bullock style of yesteryear is grown out). I can't decide on a cut now, though...help me make up my mind!

1. I don't really know if I could pull this one off. It looks a little stylish for my drab ol' face.

3. I'm afraid this one might be unflattering.

4. Not the best picture but I like the hair cut!

6. I know this one's a bit short...can't decide to stay shorter or grow it out!

Keep in mind that I don't have these cute pretty little faces. THIS is my face:

Of course, this is me at my most drab. Exhausted after a morning of cleaning and looking after two lil ones after 4 consecutive nights of inadequate sleep. Add my old grey cadet shirt to boot and you have got one drab 'fub. Hopefully I'll look spicier with the new cut. So, what do you think???

Progress

2011-06-23T22:21:00.000-06:00

Owen says 'thank you' when I give him things. He says 'Here-go' when he gives me things. He says 'uh-oh' when he drops something or I drop something or if somethings falls. He was eating a cracker the other day and came up to me and said 'crack-oh'. He says 'peesh' (for please) when he wants something and accompanies it with the sign. He says 'juice'. The other day he was looking at a picture of me in a book I'd made him and Angus, pointed at it, and said, 'Nomey'. He now has completely mastered saying 'doggy' and 'shoe'. He shows signs of understanding when I say things like 'stand up', or when I ask him if he wants to go outside, or tell him it's time for bed.
I know those are simple things, but boy, not for me. For me these are huge. I am so gratified by each new thing he learns. And suddenly it's been almost like an explosion, comparatively. I mean, for so long--nothing. Just silence. No signs of understanding, no talking...the kid didn't even respond to his own name until a few months ago, for goodness sake! I remember sitting on the chair, nursing Angus, and needing to get Owen's attention. I said his name, over and over and over again. Owen, who was sitting right in front of me with his back to me, didn't do a thing. He didn't move, turn his head--no sign at all that he heard me. I don't suppose you know how frustrating that is. But everything's looking up now. He's learning (albeit slowly) but that's OK. He's learning at his own pace, you know? It's such a relief! Sometimes I thought he'd never talk!

Anyways here's some pics.

Angus always turns and gives me the most perfect smiles for pictures.

I just watched 'Babies'. Loved it. I've wanted to watch it for a long time. I especially loved watching the Namibia part. Another movie I've watched recently that I really enjoyed was 'Hereafter'. And Ben and I enjoyed watching 'Flipped'. It's a perfect Sister Movie Night movie.

Ben isn't getting paid for the past three days of his first aid class because they're making him go right back to work without a break (he's there now) and they don't want to pay him over time. The frustrating part is, there's nothing he can do about it.

A Whirlwind Weekend. Exhaustion.

2011-06-21T12:57:00.000-06:00

This past weekend was so great. So crazy and full of adventures. Exactly my style of doing things! That is the way I like to vacation. Frankly, it's boring when everything goes according to plan. Pretty sure I lost my camera or I'd be posting some pictures, but oh well...

So Friday Ben got home early from his first aid class and was in a rush to get out the door. I'd packed everything already so it was only a little while later that we were on our way to his parent's house to drop off Owen. We stayed there for a bit, picking up some camping gear and sort of waiting around for his Mom to get there. Owen jumped on the trampoline and didn't care if we stayed or went. I tried to give him a goodbye hug and kiss but could barely wrench him away from the tramp for a quick second. When Gail got there she insisted we say goodbye and tell him we'd be back soon and wasn't happy until we complied. Owen didn't listen. He was too busy jumping. But Gail felt better.

Then we were on the road. Ben drove some, I drove some, Angus was angelic and slept and burbled happily. Slowly the light faded and by the time we were driving through Kamloops it was dark. We missed the turn-off for Vernon so had to turn around. Then once we were on the right road, Ben was paranoid about the turn-off for Fintry. I'd looked it up on Google Map, but the directions looked wrong to me so I ignored them. I was pretty sure we'd be able to figure it out, because I'd seen signs directing us to the camp before on the way to Vernon. Ben did not trust me. I don't blame him. I've proved very flaky with directions before.

Anyways, it was dark and raining--in some places it was raining so hard I didn't understand how that much water could be dumping from the sky. We stopped at a gas station to ask directions but the guy couldn't speak english. So we kept driving. We saw Douglas Lake Rd--Google Maps had mentioned a turn onto Douglas Lake Rd--and even though there were no signs about Fintry we turned down it. After a little while though we decided that was a bad idea and got back on the main road. Ben got increasingly nervous the closer to Vernon we got, until finally I saw the signs. I was really tired by now. The road to Fintry is really windy and really really long. I could barely make my eyes focus on the signs. It seemed like it was taking way too long. We started to think we had missed it and that we should turn around. We stopped and prayed. Felt like we should keep going. And then the next turn there it was. We were so relieved. We drove down into the campsite and--the gates were closed! We couldn't believe it. It was 11:30 and the sign said they closed at 11. We'd never encountered this sort of thing before.

Next is the awesome adventure. Angus was asleep, it was cold and dark, so I stayed in the car while Ben ran on foot in the dark to see if he could find our campsite. I tried to find a comfortable position on the hard seat with no pillow or blanket. I had my sweater, so I used that for a pillow until I got too cold. Then I wrapped it around myself to keep warm but had no pillow and my neck got horribly cramped. As it was, though, I still managed to doze off and on because I was that tired. Ben trotted back, having finally found our campsite (about 1 km away) and proceeded to collect our tent and trot back, where he set it up in the dark by himself and was quite noisy about it too but supposedly he could hear Doug's uninterrupted snores through this whole thing. (Doug had the gall to complain of a bad sleep the next morning). I woke up from a short, uncomfortable sleep when he came back and popped the trunk open to grab our foamies and the tarps and Angus's blankets and his playpen. He took so long gathering this all up into a bundle that I thought he'd left and I'd missed it. Then suddenly as I opened my eyes to look blearily out the windshield my heart skipped a beat when I saw the silhouette of a man staggering under a load that was twice his size. 'Ben you're my hero' I thought wearily as I sunk back into my seat. I couldn't sleep anymore after that but just waited for what seemed like an hour for Ben to get back.

When he did come back, he informed me that he'd forgotten our blankets. It was a momentary disappointment but we took it in stride. By now we just wanted to get to bed. So I collected Angus, and Ben grabbed our suitcase, and we made our way through the silent campground, the sky slowly lightening. Angus clung to my shirt and looked around him in wonder. Ben and I talked and laughed quietly so we wouldn't wake anyone up. It was fun and sort of magical. I had to go pee really bad so we stopped at the bathrooms so I could. As I walked back out, my eyes adjusting from the bright lights, my heart skipped a beat again when I thought I saw something floating along the ground in the distance. But it turned out to be a drunk couple heading back to their campsite from the dock. They stopped to chat with us. The lady, who called herself 'Janet Jackson' was quick to ask us if we needed anything, and specifically she asked if we needed blankets.
'Actually we forgot our blankets...' she had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders so she immediately handed it to us as well as a giant pillow. So armed we made our way to our tent. We entered out nylon sanctuary and dressed into our jammies. I nursed Angus. He slowly fell asleep in between us. Me and him cuddled under Janet Jackson's blanket but Ben refused because it smelled like it had been soaked in alcohol. He opted to cover himself with a threadbare beach towel. And then it got really freezing. And then Angus woke up and it was bright and sunny and Ben was already up and had already went and got the car and he came and took Angus and I slept more and then I got up.

Doug and Delanie had eggs and really high quality bacon and unpasteurized milk and that's what I ate for breakfast. Not too shabby. I was still hungry though because I'm always hungry these days. Blame blubby. He nurses the life out of me. We went into town not long after I woke up, and took Madelaine with us. As soon as I hugged Katie she put me to work. I helped clean the inside of the house and make things look pretty and artistic--but later I realized there wasn't much point to that because hardly anyone came inside the whole time! But it was nice to feel like I was helping. As you can imagine, Ben and I were super tired. More and more people kept arriving and the lamp was roasting on the spit (when we arrived it was just a carcass lying on the basketball cement) and everything was starting to look ready and beautiful--the twinkle lights set up, the tables and chairs, the peacock feather centerpieces...I was excited to see Zach and Avereigh but both were quite awkwardly unimpressed to see me. I can't really blame them, I haven't been the most exciting aunt...
Ben slept in the car for a half hour and I had to wake him up to get dressed when the groomsmen started showing up and the place was beginning to get filled. His eyes were red and he stumbled around not really knowing what he was doing but somehow he appeared 5 minutes later dressed in his suit. The wedding was really nice. Eryn looked really beautiful and I got a little emotional thinking about weddings (I was running on 3 hours of sleep and was hanging by a hysterical string). They said their vows and then did this ribbon ceremony thing (Everyone crowded in close and I couldn't see a thing--plus Angus wanted to nurse, so I missed that part). And then it was over until the dinner and reception. Ben and I knew we weren't invited to the dinner and we were starving and exhausted, so we left at that time to get a bite to eat.

On the way into town Ben mentioned something about Indian food and that sounded good to me, and luckily we found The Curry Pot without too much trouble. So we found a place to park a couple blocks away (There was this fair festival thing going on downtown and streets were blocked off) and then lugged a sleeping Angus in his car seat to the Curry Pot, only to see it was closed. A lot of the restaurants were. We decided to continue to lug Angus around and find a different place, but didn't have much luck, and we were close to giving up before we spotted a little Thai place tucked in this side street and decided to eat there. We both got the pad Thai and it was spectacular. But maybe that was because we were so incredibly starving. Another spectacular thing was how unspeakably comfortable it was to sit down, even if it was in a hard, awkward chair. Angus woke up part way through the meal and lay comfortably in his seat with the occasional 'dut'. There was another baby there only a month older and he gave his parents much more trouble. It reminded me of trying to take Owen to restaurants when he was that age--it was really hard. It's a lot easier with Angus. He is a content baby.

We lingered over lunch before finally driving back to Andrea's. There wasn't much for us to do at this time, but we traded off Angus between us and I socialized a bit with different family members. Labee showed me some photos she'd taken and I also hung out a bit with Michaela and Madelaine and Christian (we made some signs for Andrea).

Those of us not invited to the dinner kind of hung around awkwardly while it was going on. Tracy and I wandered for a bit around the outskirts while she tried to keep Isaiah out of trouble and Jane from getting too dirty. Ben's moment of glory came when Jordan asked if he could use some of his homemade knives to carve the lamb. It was a supreme moment of satisfaction for him and he mentioned it many times on the way home. When the reception finally started, everyone moved in a mob to the dessert table. The deserts were many and varied. They were elegant and artistic and gourmet. The tables groaned with them. I must admit that I took some things I'm not supposed to have...but overall I kept a pretty good control. And then there was dancing. I love dancing, and Ben loves dancing, and we love dancing together. I find it so fun to dance the fast songs with him, and so romantic to dance the slow songs. We danced a lot. And then Labee and I did a picture story. And then it was 10 and we had to go because it was a long drive back to Fintry and the gates closed at 11 if you remember...but I had to find Andrea and get blankets...but she couldn't miss hearing Eryn sing...so I waited...but couldn't anymore, so I tracked down Katie, who showed me where some were...and FINALLY we were on the road. We had to stop and get some gas, and then on a whim Ben decided to wash all the windows of the car. 'What are you doing?' I demanded. 'We're not going to make it!'
'I had to,' he insisted. 'They were dirty.'
Anyways we sped the whole way (it's lucky we didn't get into an accident). Again my eyes were so tired they couldn't focus. We arrived at Fintry, literally, at exactly 11. The gates were closed. I was really mad about that. It was just 11--where was the guy who closed the gates? He'd obviously closed them early. My feet were so sore and I was really mad about having to walk a km on them and I was mad about having to wake up Angus because I predicted it'd be hard to get him back to sleep. And I was right. He didn't go back to sleep for 2 hours once we were in our tent. Ben's and my exhaustion cannot be written with words. You'll just have to imagine it.

And I think this is the longest post I've ever written so I'll take pity on you and stop there.

Eye Opening Book. Magic Bangs.

2011-06-16T21:40:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow we are leaving for Vernon! --After Ben gets off work that is. But still. I am excited. A whole weekend without Owen--our first Owen-free weekend! I'm sure I'll miss him within hours, but still I am looking forward to some reLAXin. This is a message to Rain: don't be stupid--stay away!

Anyway, I had a mishap today. As some of you may or may not have heard, I tried to cut my own bangs. After a few cuts I knew I'd made a fatal mistake. I can't cut my own bangs! I knew that! I'd had so many disastrous experiences in the past! Why did I do this again?? Stott had told me it was easy and that I should do it myself, but I should have listened to my common sense and waited! And to be fair, 'Stott had meant I could do a straight-across bang. Not a side-bang like I'd attempted. For a side-bang I needed guidance. I know this now. Anyways, I ended up cutting a really huge, uneven chunk of hair. Feeling in a panic, I called Stott. "Stott I ruined my bangs!" I wailed into the phone. She kindly offered to help me fix them over Skype. She patiently led me through the process step by step. Magically my hair is acceptable again. Fewf! Thanks be. Thanks be to 'Stott, and thanks be to Skype, for making it possible. Otherwise I would have had to hide my head under a pillow all weekend, and I don't know how that would have flown over at a wedding.

The other day at Ben's 'rent's house, I saw the coolest bird! I took a good look at it and noted everything about it I could so I could look it up on whatbird.com, and this time, not make a mistake. Guess what I saw?? An Evening Grosbeak! This time I am sure.

Isn't it cool? I love it!

Turns out I am a food addict. I mean, I always knew this, but I didn't really think of it in realistic terms before I read this book, 'Food Addiction: The Body Knows' by Kay Sheppard.
Sugar spurs a wild addiction in me, as does flour. Unrefined cane sugar, however, does not. Food addiction can be as powerful as drugs or alcohol. If I was an alcoholic, people wouldn't be like, oh, have just one drink. One drink is OK. No--they know that you need to stay completely away from alcohol. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. It's the same with food addiction. You are never cured from it. Once addicted, always addicted. Which is why I have been staying off of sugar and flour, for a while now. This sounds drastic, but--my life depends on it. Like I was saying, though--unrefined cane sugar does not have an addictive effect on me. Which is awesome. And I am very careful about watching my behavior after eating some too. Anyway, that book was pretty eye-opening. It had some pretty extreme cases in it, and I never want those cases to resemble my life.

Patience is your ally at the moment. Don't worry!

2011-06-14T12:59:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was good! It was supposed to be the day of Ben's first aid class' 'midterm' if you will, but their teacher had a family emergency so class was canceled for the day. This was the perfect opportunity for Ben to get working on his latest contract--cleaning the siding, windows and gutters, and removing the moss from the roof of this house that's up the street. He was going to have to do it right after class for two consecutive days, which would have made two very long days indeed. But as it was, yesterday was miraculously cleared up and he got it all done, which meant we got some money and we could go grocery shopping. And we needed to in a bad way.

Now today, I had a gigantor mess in the kitchen to clean up, which was a little daunting. I don't usually do the dishes at night when I'm exhausted. I almost always do them the next morning when I have energy. Plus it's the perfect opportunity to provide an activity that Owen likes to do. He pulls up a black folding chair beside me and plays around with the soapy water while I do the dishes. Anyways, I wish I took a before and after picture of the kitchen. But you'll just have to trust me when I say that a feeling of deep contentment washes over me when I turn my head only to see smooth, clean counter tops and clean, crumb-free floor and a pile of shining dishes in the dish rack.

Then, later on as I tackled the clutter in our bedroom, I came across an old fortune and wondered if it had pertinent advice. I flipped it over: 'Patience is your ally at the moment. Don't worry!' was the cheerful message. I took this into account and decided to follow the sage advice. I definitely need spades of patience on some days. Today's been OK so far, other than Owen falling off the bed (again) (you'd think the kid would learn) and Angus being more clingy than usual. But I feel like I've got everything under pretty good control, which is a pretty sure omen of impending whirlwinds.

I'm so excited to see the family this weekend! Hooray! And sad that twin can't come. She is spending all her money on a filling, which I think is just plain rude.

2011-06-13T11:07:00.000-06:00

yesterday exhaustion ensued.

I:

-looked after a squirmy, tantrum-prone 2-year-old plus one 7 month old chubby lump all by myself until after sacrament (Ben blessed and Gail was leading music). We were on the cusp of disaster the whole time and how it was adverted I know not.

-Did the first hour of nursery again and attempted to organize all the toys to--let's be honest--very minimal success, while the whole time the aforementioned chubby lump (I call him 'blubby') whined and grabbed at my leg cutely. Oh and tried to avoid Owen's tantrums which was like swerving to avoid unexpected pylons in the road.

-went to RS while somebody else took over the final nursery shift and everybody oo-ed and ahh-ed over blubby's 'cute' squeals until they drowned out the teacher at which point I left.

-church was over and I was hungry. HUNGRY. I had eaten only a half-grapefruit that morning. Chantal rescued me by way of gluten-free dairy-free soy-free lemon muffin.

-once safely home, Ben made me a two-egg omelet that looked suspiciously huge with garlic and onion and roast beef shreds and soft goat cheese. It was so completely delicious. When I brought the cleaned off plate to him I was so tired I could barely make my mouth move to say thank you. Then I collapsed in bed.

-After we went to his parent's house for dinner. Haylie was really rude to Gail in front of guests and family.

-Later we went to the branch music night. Most of the people there were people who were in the program. There were only two investigators there, which is better than none. Still, I felt a little sorry for the Elder that had put so much time into creating that night. After the singing and music, there were refreshments and Abby, bless her, had made gluten-free cupcakes with a lemon-sugar glaze. They were so good and I had three.

-We came home, let the chilluns play, and I snapped these photos:

once I finally got Owen to look at me, this is the face he made. Makes me laugh.

Then we put the cuties to bed and went straight to bed ourselves. we were beat.

Spontaneous Lilacs

2011-06-09T11:03:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was such a good day. Gail called and asked if she could take Owen--so again I had only Angus to look after. I wasn't feeling as exhausted and shaky as the last time, so this time I was able to get so much done. That dreaded laundry was sorted and put away! I cleaned the bathroom! That's an important one. Not only did the toilet need immediate attention, but the night before Owen and Angus had managed between them to transfer a lake of water from the bathtub to the bathroom floor. It was mopped up by towels, but we just left the towels there over night because, well we were exhausted. Are. I think are is the appropriate term to use here. When was there a time when I wasn't exhausted? I don't remember. Anyways, then I was able to wash a load of laundry too. And clean the kitchen and vacuum the living room rug. Actually that gets done every day because if we don't vacuum it, it looks gross. And Angus and I had fun. He was so good. He played so well by himself all day and had really long naps. I'm so thankful his first teething hurtle is over. It was hard. The day goes by so fast when Ben is only gone 8 hours. Normal people are so lucky! I wish Ben had an 8-hour job.

After Ben got home we drove up to Dave and Gail's to pick up Owen and ended up having dinner there. They had lasagna (not as good as mine, Ben assured me) whereas I was relegated to a steak and yam fries. Not a very fiberous dinner. But I am not a perfect bean.

Ben's gone back to class now. I'm glad he gets so many courses in first aid. I'm continuously asking him to remind me what to do in the case of SIDS or if Owen or Angus is choking. He also knows how to deliver a baby. And what to do if someone drowns.

Our next door neighbour spontaneously brought us over a huge bouquet of lilacs the other day. I do so love lilacs and there are so many here. That's one of the things I enjoy about Williams Lake. WL is not the place I want to live forever, but one has to be positive about the place one lives.

As for our downstairs neighbours, I don't know if anyone remembers how they scream and yell at eachother at 2 in the morning? That still goes on. When it gets really bad and wakes up the babies, we report it to our landlord. And Ben always goes down there and asks them to be quiet. He told the guy that it woke up our babies. "Yah, I know, it woke up my daughter too," he says, as if trying to group himself as a victim. One night I listened to them yell for hours about a 'mickey'. "WHERE'S MY MICKEY TRISHA?! YOU STOLE MY MICKEY! WHERE IS IT? YOU HID IT!" *sob* "It was mine first, you took it from me!" *sob*. Anyways, our landlord wrote up a document for them and since then they've stopped. Let's hope they stop for good. Or move.

Fun on the Balcony with Daddy

2011-06-08T09:30:00.000-06:00

they had such a blast.

look at his two lil teeth!

A Scare

2011-06-07T10:42:00.000-06:00

For the past few days I have been feeling such intense exhaustion. Like I mean I'm eating a bowl of cereal and my spoon is too heavy kind of exhaustion. And I've also suddenly gotten this HUGE appetite. I began to worry I was pregnant. Now, I didn't feel pregnant, but still, it was a nagging worry. I couldn't think of anything else that would be making me feel this way. I was so scared I was pregnant again. I mean, it happened once it can happen again...I no longer have much faith in birth control. (Oh, and did I mention that I've been late for about two months?). So last night we went and bought a pregnancy test. This morning I took it. The relief. Not pregnant. Of course, now that I know for sure I realize I always sorta knew, or at least my body did. I just didn't feel pregnant, but I allowed my doubts to take over.

And then by talking to a few people I've ascertained the most likely reason for my exhaustion is my monstrous baby's insatiable appetite. Lately he has been nursing every hour (while he's awake) and nursing for a long time too. He is sucking the life out of me! And this explains why I'm all of a sudden always hungry too. It's time to start feeding him more foods, I suppose.

moving on.

Yesterday was so hot. I called and asked Gail to take Owen for the day because I was so tired. And Ben's at his lvl 3 first aid classes this week so he was home by 4:30! It was so excellent. It was such a relaxing, bright sunny day. I just looked after Angus, did the bare minimum cleaning so the house was bearable, and I rested. It was so nice. Today is cool and rainy by contrast, and I will be looking after two clingy babies (Angus has entered the 'separation anxiety' phase) but at least Ben's coming home early.

I need someone to help me put away my laundry.

I have a numb patch of skin on my leg. It has been numb for about 4 months now.

My kids want me to play with them. I must go.

A series of what I consider to be magical pictures.

2011-06-03T00:41:00.000-06:00

These first two were taken with the dreaded flash, but aren't his eyes so pretty?

So I was busy making dinner with Angus bobbing along for the ride in the snuggle wrap (an absolute divinely inspired thing) when Owen came and hugged my legs, wanting to be picked up too. For some reason in my heart, I feel that when a child wants to be picked up and held, and to feel loved for a moment, that he needs it, and I don't like to turn him away. Luckily this wasn't the first time this had happened with Angus in the snuggle wrap, so unphased I just scooped him up for some close-to-mom time. Ben, who'd been sleeping off his graveyard shift, stumbled in just then. "Aw, you look cute with your arms full of babies," he said, then he grabbed the camera and took three shots. It's always me who's doing that--that was literally the first time Ben voluntarily took pictures of me and the kids, so I included all three in memorandum.

doesn't Owen look handsome in this one? And incidentally, isn't it funny how Angus's chubby little head is bigger that Owen's? (or at least appears to be in these pics)

These following pics of Angus are just SO cute--I have no words that could make them better--they speak for themselves.

Ben is working his last night tonight, and then, instead of his usual 4 days off, he only has three. This is because he's retaking his level 3 industrial first aid course. His last certificate is expired now. This is good because for two weeks he will be taking the course instead of going to work, and he will be gone for more regular, 9-5-like hours. Awwesome!

Also, Angus is a huge mamma's boy.

Also, Owen said 'nana' voluntarily (without prodding from me) while I was peeling a banana today.

Also, Owen fell down the outside stairs today and bumped his head--there is no goose egg but there is a circle of internal bleeding in a patterned design on his forehead that literally makes me want to puke every time I look at it; it makes me sick. I was afraid he would be scared to go up and down the stairs after that but he's not. He bats away my hand if I try to assist him in any way. I'm glad to see any sign of independence from him, because he is very dependent.

Also, I am up way too late and should go to bed.

bilious

2011-05-31T10:35:00.000-06:00

-Angus is crawling and has two teeth all in the space of two days. And now he's starting to pull himself up on things.

-Owen eats corn chips.

-gluten-free bread is really gross and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. And yet I eat a slice almost every morning out of necessity.

-Ben has switched with a coworker and now works straight graveyards until further notice. Have mixed feelings about this.

-Whenever I see myself on skype I realize I am not as pretty as I like to think.

-I am making a hodge-podge hand-sewn quiet book for Owen out of scraps of materials and old clothes. My invisible stitching is not so invisible and I'm afraid you can see a lot of black thread.

-running in crappy shoes hurts my knees so much I've had to cut back. The lost inch of my waist has returned much to my consternation.

-I love the term 'bilious'.

a series of cute pictures & some brief notes on the day

2011-05-29T22:39:00.000-06:00

Here follows a whack of pictures that are bad quality/blurry. But they are all so delightfully cute that I had to include them all. My baby is so cute. Please ignore the messy floor. Like it or not, that's how it looks the majority of the day. shrug.

this sequence of pictures I'll title 'I'm frustratingly cute and chubby':

Today was a mildly hard day. Angus was really fussy and I ended up leaving church early to look after him at home. I knew he had a cold and figured that was why he was so fussy, but then Ben pointed out to me later that he's got a tooth! His first tooth has cut through his gums. And a cute little tooth it is. Anyways, I don't know if it was the painful mouth, the stuffed up nose, sore throat, or all of the above, but he point blank refused to nurse. From 9:00 am to 6:00 pm he would have NOTHING. In fact, me trying to nurse him just made him really upset. It was actually quite upsetting for me. Does it sound pathetic that it hurt my feelings a little bit? But then it made me feel better when I reflected that he wasn't nursing because his mouth was sore and it wasn't a rejection of ME per say. Anyways, when he finally nursed it was SUCH a relief. As you can imagine, my bubs were very full and hard as rock. (one lady told me about a time when her boobs literally made a 'clacking' noise they were so full). Luckily mine weren't at the clacking stage.

Now both babies are in bed and Derrick is over and we had a mini family home evening and now we've been playing teris/dr. mario. I enjoy dr. mario the best because I kick everyone's butt soo badly. It is extremely satisfying. I guess I can't really say I'm not competitive anymore. That cover's been blown, uh?

Later I'm going to make a banana shake and we're going to watch a movie. I hope we watch Ramona and Beezus. Like seriously, I am obsessed with that movie. You don't even want to know how many times I've watched it.

lessons in patience

2011-05-26T10:49:00.000-06:00

I have lost an inch around my waist! That is the good news. The bad news is I have little patience at the moment whereas I need to have spades in order to get through the day. 'Gus-gus (Daddy's favourite nickname for him) has a cold and needs me constantly--and Owen is totally acting up! The terrible twos are so much more terrible, I suspect, when the two year old understands little-to-no language and doesn't pick up on my moods (ie: is totally unphased when I raise my voice and tell him to 'stop throwing' at Angus--which phrase, by the way, he doesn't understand but I keep trying anyways). Ah well--all us Moms go through these sorts of things I imagine.

Ben is sleeping (worked last night) and today is his first day off and he wants me to wake him up at noon. He went to bed at 8 and it's only 9:30 now, but it feels like 3 or 4 hours have passed. Maybe I have just aged 3 or 4 hours. I swear mothering is aging me. I am getting wrinkles around my eyes in the exact same pattern of Mom's wrinkles. Nah it's poor/lacking diet + mothering that does that.

you know how I hate taking pictures with flash but there was something wrong with my camera so I had no choice. Owen, as you can see, refused to look at the camera, but Angus obliged by making cute squishy faces anyhow.

speaking of Owen acting up, he just grabbed a child's colourful bead necklace that Angus was playing with on my lap (the 1st thing that caught and held Angus' attention all morning) and pulled and kept pulling (even though I kept saying no) and I tried to pull his fingers off but he held on tightly and sure enough it broke and beads exploded everywhere and Angus threw a fit. Sigh. Oh well--the necklace is easily fixable. I guess these sorts of mishaps are just things I have to look forward to in the coming years and I better learn how to handle them patiently now rather than later.

a description of sunday and a very handsome hun!

2011-05-24T22:56:00.001-06:00

Today I went for a shorter run than usual because I'm coming down with a cold. Why do people claim exercising gives you more energy? Every time after I go for a run or exercise, I am plum worn out for the rest of the day. Today I had a massive, intense nap that I could not resist. It was like I was a magnet and the nap was the magnetic center of the earth. Even after the nap I was so tired. Maybe I'm just anemic.

As hoped, this Sunday went well. You know, I actually enjoy going to church without Ben. We still don't have a nursery leader, so for the past two Sundays I've been in there. Ya know what, it's fun! What was I afraid of? Babies are so sweet. There's three of us right now with nursery-aged children, so we are taking turns doing it and helping each other out. Abby (RS president) talked to Pres. Fairburn about getting a new nursery leader, but there is really no one to be called. I mean, they could call me but I don't think it's the practice to call somebody who already has two babies. Then there's the newly-wed girl who just married Preston Carter (her name is Tory and she's from Moreno Valley! Yah! But she doesn't know the Millers). She came in this last Sunday and helped out a bit. She doesn't have that much experience but what better way to get some?

Anyways--after church I went to Ben's parent's house. Dave was home first so Gail had asked him to put some potatoes on to boil. Well, we walked in the door and there were the potatoes, on to boil--but not peeled. "Dave you didn't peel the potatoes!" Gail barked. I set a sleeping Angus down in his car seat and went to put Owen down for his nap in Grandma's bed. Grandma always puts him to bed there by laying down beside him and watching as he fell asleep. So now he won't sleep there if no one's lying beside him. So I lay down beside him but he was a wiggly wort. He played with his hands, he pushed the covers down and pulled them up, he looked over at me and giggled and stuffed his chubby fingers in my face. After a half an hour I gave up and Owen and I ventured back out into the house just in time to see a shirtless (and hairy) Uncle Aaron stumble up the stairs. "Why is it so smoky?" He demanded. Sure enough, the entire house smelled like a campfire. Gail, who had been busy peeling half-boiled potatoes in the kitchen, hadn't even noticed. "I tried to tell you Grandma, but you wouldn't listen!" Josh cried indignantly from the basement. There was something wrong with the chimney or something and all the smoke was billowing out the front of the fireplace. We had to open all the doors and windows, which made Owen throw a heartbroken tantrum because he wanted to go and play outside but it was raining and I didn't let him. So Grandma stepped in and changed his diaper and decided to try a stab at putting him down for his nap in exchange for me peeling the potatoes. Little did she know that I suck at peeling potatoes with a paring knife, not to mention soft ones. But I did my best doing that while the smoke slowly filtered out the open doors and wigglewort slowly fell asleep beside his grandma.

Later Daniel and Abby and their brood of chilluns came over and there was a friendly mayhem. I mean, it's nothing--nothing at all--compared to the mayhem of yesteryear's family potlucks. Owen was extremely attached to me all day. I think it's something to do with him feeling more insecure when Ben's not there and needing the security of mommy. He was like that the next day while Ben worked too--basically he spent the whole day hugging my legs and I could barely get a thing done. I notice that he's way easier to look after when Ben and I are both there. He plays by himself happily as long as we are both nearby. But with only one of us there he is neeeedy. A lot of the time anyways. Maybe we're just going through a needy stretch. Either way I'm a big softy and my heart melts when his chubby little arms clutch around my legs. Again--that's only most of the time...there's the odd time when Angus falls asleep nursing and I'm trying to navigate down a toy-strewn hallway...the leg-clinging isn't so cute then. Or when I'm lugging a full basket of laundry.

Angus'll probably be awake until midnight. Woot!

look at my handsome teenage hun! Isn't he so sweet, hugging his mom that way? He's still always so sweet to his Mom. I hope my sons are like that.

The Mafia pays a visit and I am Moody

2011-05-21T14:54:00.000-06:00

Computer is good as new, Russian Mafia not withstanding. (Apparently the virus I got was from the Russian Mafia. Neat uh?). And it didn't cost that much to fix because we have an awesome computer guy here. WL ComputerWorx. Just a shout-out.

The house is a mess, both babies are sleeping and hun is sleeping. Like a 'stott we all know and love, I am neglecting to clean the house in order to take some 'me' time. I feel no remorse over this either. It is a sunny, bright day outside. Birds are chirping and lawn mowers are humming...it's the best time of the year! I am so happy! --And while we're on the subject--moody. I am very moody lately. Whew! I mean, watch out. Also I've been feeling a little alarmed, because after eating only a little sugar I will feel sick for a long time. Dad has diabetes and I really don't want it. So the other day Ben and I went to have a consultation with Karen Alphonse of Elemental Healing (Gail swears by her). She reassured me that I don't have diabetes--yet, anyways. But I most certainly have hypoglycemia, which is just a step closer to diabetes. She gave me some herbal pills called Chromium to take once a day, and also told me to take LOTS of enzymes and to eat dates when I had sugar cravings. Funnily enough, I had come to that same conclusion about dates myself a week earlier. They are so yummy! We didn't talk to her just about that, though. We talked about lots of things. We learned so much in such a short period of time, it was wonderful.

The running is going well. I can only go when Ben's here to watch the kids, so I find that it's only about 2-3 times a week I'm able to get out. But as long as I keep trying, that's what's important. And back to the moody, hypoglycemic thing, I notice that running lifts my mood so much and totally stabilizes me and helps me to function as a normal person, (rather than a crabby, irritable person with little patience for innocent husbands who leave their clothes in a pile in front of the front door at an unfortunate time). Actually, any exercise will do this. I have come to the conclusion that I need to exercise to keep sane. If only I could do it every day, then I know I'd be a happier overall person.

Last week I was a superwoman at church and I looked hot too. Let's hope to repeat it tomorrow because once again I will be going to church without Ben and with both kids. At least having kids is one way to guarantee that I am always progressing...it forces me to do things I'd rather not do every day and therefore whether I want to or not I am being stretched and growing and evolving into a new person.

now to marinate the steaks for tonight's dinner!

I've been butt-munched.

2011-05-16T11:22:00.000-06:00

You may not hear from me for a while. I'm writing this from Ben's parent's house. The other day, out of the blue, my computer got a virus that shut it down and erased everything. I say out of the blue, because as some of you know, I no longer download anything. I don't get risky emails, I don't do anything risque on my computer! And yet I've been butt-munched. Actually I think I know where the virus came from--the site where I upload all our blogskins to is a little dubious. But it's the only one I've found that lets me upload as many files as I want. Oh well. Guess I'm going to find a new one. I just hope our computer can be rescued.

crooked dimply bums

2011-05-14T09:21:00.000-06:00

Ben and I often cause our fingers to walk on eachother and have conversations. There are different personalities and characters. For example, my main character is Phillipa, who has a little sister, Candace. Ben's main character is Oliver, who is in love with Phillipa. He pursued her diligently for a long time, but she was always very busy with schoolwork, and shy on top of that, and kept putting him off. Oliver was beginning to get discouraged when Phillipa finally agreed to a date. Now they are going steady and she is wearing a promise ring. Oliver has a brother, 'little man', who is a big rudey. He's always hitting on the girls ad trying to sneak in a kiss or two. However, he seems to have reformed quite a bit ever since Phillipa set him up on a date with her friend, Stacey.

Just another reason why I love my hun. Now for some pictures.

it is up to you to fathom the reason why Ben's jeans appear to be drawn on. In the meantime, look at Angus' dimply little bum!

the other day I looked out the kitchen window while doing dishes, and this is what I saw.

I had to snap a few pics.

Then I pursued the cute little bunch outside with my camera.

It's too bad I didn't notice the lens was dirty, because it blurs out Angus' face and it looks so cute in this one!

It is COLD for May! I don't like it! But oh well--at least the snow has stopped, which is more than I can say for other parts of Canada. The Yukon comes to mind. Inspired by a medley of different people, I have now started to run. I'm going at it 'fub-style, which is basically, don't push yourself too hard and stop and walk whenever you feel like you want to. The first run did a number on me, I tell you. I had to have a colossal 2 hour nap to recover, and I had to sleep in the next morning (my whole body was just drinking in sleep) and I was SO sore. But three runs later I'm not nearly so sore and no longer need a huge nap to recover. I need exercise to keep sane. After exercising, I am not nearly so moody and irritable. Ben is a faithful advocate for me getting some exercise as you can imagine.

Well the kidlets need my attention. Time for another day.

news

2011-05-10T11:20:00.000-06:00

I got a better look at the little birds and realized that I'm pretty sure they are not, in fact, black-capped vireos, but instead some little tree swallows. They have a very lovely iridescent green sheen.

As I was saying, Angus now says 'mama'. It is his first 'sound' if you will. I am very smug about this.

Today's Ben's first day off. I'm trying to patiently wait until the time he told me to wake him up. It's only in half an hour now! --I don't know why I'm so excited. He's going to wake up and then he'll be gone again, working on his new business! pfft.

Anyone want a new skin or anything, send me an email. I'm kind of in the mood, and that's when you want me to make them 'cause I make the best ones then.

tryst

2011-05-09T13:08:00.000-06:00

Have you ever become obsessed with finding out what type of birds are twittering around your house? Well, lately there's been a whole bunch of really cute, small little birds that I always spy flying past my window or hanging out on the telephone wires. They are so small and chubby and have such round, pert little heads. I love them! Ennehway...this morning I finally decided to look them up on whatbird.com, and it turns out that there's a batch of black-capped vireos hanging out around our house! They've been pronounced as an endangered species since 1987. And here they are on my balcony!

Ben worked last night. As he was getting ready to go, Mom and Dad called on skype. We had a good chat, where Dad bragged about all the fresh mangoes and bananas they are getting from their landlord's trees. I am so jealous. I guess that's one plus about 3rd world countries--the abundance of non-genetically modified fruit and vegetables.

We tried to cut Owen's hair yesterday because it's been getting quite long and I wanted him to look handsome for Mothers Day, but our clipper/buzzer thingy just up and broke after only one swipe! We we tried to finish the job with scissors, and botched it up horribly. His hair is really noticeably uneven. At least his little face is so cute.

beautiful, wonderful spring! I must go tryst with the trees or something or other.

fat blobs and productivity

2011-05-06T14:37:00.000-06:00

I like this picture because it illustrates how blob-like Angus often looks in the background...like this fat blob, watching Owen's every move with an anxious eye.

Mom said from the very first time she saw Owen how 'pleasant' his mouth is with it's turned-up corners.

Angus has such a beautiful, sweet-looking face, does he not??

I tried to capture the delightfulness of his chubby back (complete with love-handles) but he kept twisting around to look at me so this was the best I could do.

Me and my chubby wonder

I am one of those people single people often despise, because all I seem to do is talk about my children. You gotta bear with me. They are my life--literally--all my time is spent looking after them, and when I'm not looking after them I'm worrying about them or planning my next motherly move in raising them. I know you guys (sisters/family) understand how I feel though.

Anyhow I'm trying to rescue my house from drowning in clutter. I've been cleaning or attempting to clean all day. Some areas of the house are so overwhelming I can only spend a couple of minutes in them before moving on. However I must say that being productive just feels so good and satisfying. It is healthy for my brain too.

I got a baby signing time dvd and Owen's already picked up some signs. He signs 'shoes' and 'hat' and 'wash hands' the most, and he'll do 'thank you' but I don't think he knows what it means. I can see he catches on to signs much easier than he does to language. I'm not sure why his brain has trouble with it.

'Gus is a-fussing.

Angus

2011-04-28T12:37:00.001-06:00

a batch of spring showers

2011-04-26T15:58:00.000-06:00

It is raining. A gentle spring shower. I welcome it. I welcome you, Spring Shower. I am sitting at the computer with a few spare moments to myself! Oh scratch that. Owen is now lying at my feet and whining. Oh well. I'm still going to attempt to post.

You know one of the things that I like about Williams Lake? The bird migrations that pass through here. I mean, so many swans...and for a while there were pelicans. The pelicans are my favourite. They are SO cool.

Anyhow, Ben and I are trying to launch his business (Ben's Exteriors) right now. We printed out a bunch of flyers and today (hopefully when the rain stops) we're going to start dropping them off in the ritzy areas of town.

Other things of note...this Sunday we went over to Daniel and Abby's for Easter dinner and an egg hunt. Abby got Owen a basket and made sure there were eggs left over for him because we were a little late getting there. I thought that was nice. Anyways, Owen quickly became very focused on finding and eating the candy. It was fun. I can't wait until he's older and I can do my own Easter Egg hunt with him and Angus. That must be one of the best and funnest parts about being a parent. Reliving all that excitement through your children.

I couldn't help but remember this time last year when Laura, Mom and Dad and I were at Andrea's for Easter. That was fun. And I remember with a pang the lovely basket Andrea made up for me (which I didn't end up eating because I was too nauseous) but I DID get however a wonderful little homemade peanut-butter chocolate nest. This year I'm not nauseous but I still can't eat all that delicious chocolate. Oh who are we kidding. Most easter chocolate isn't that good anyways.

For Easter dinner my contribution was some homemade buns. I experimented and made different shapes. I made a batch of clover buns (I put three balls into each muffin tin) and a batch of the kind where you cut the dough in wedges and then roll them up. They were very fancy and everyone raved about them. I of course, am off wheat...but I'll admit I had a few stolen pieces when they were fresh and hot from the oven.

Me feeding Angus some rice cereal. (He has been jealously watching my spoon go from bowl to mouth for about a month now). I started feeding him the rice cereal after I had the flu and my milk almost dried up and he LOVES it. That was a nice change after Owen.

Well I'll Be!

2011-04-23T12:35:00.001-06:00

It's been a while since I had a good old fashioned picture post so here's one to wet your appetite.

my boy with the beautiful blue eyes

An armful of frustratingly cute naked baby

absorbed in wonder at the grass and dirt

The brothers get repositioned

'Make a face' I directed

My turn with the kidlets (cutelets)

my Birthday Stampede cowgirl apparel

messy kitchen conveniently blurred

I just have a few issues to put to rights from my last post. One is I thought Katherine Heigl looked really pretty in 'Life As We Know It' and I only said I suspected plastic surgery because she looks different...and she does! I watched it again and I maintain that. Something about her eyes. It threw me off the whole first time I was watching it.

Second issue is directed at a cheeky 'stott, who claims that my love for the stampede and rodeo means I'm becoming a 'true Williams Laker' which I do not admit to. I've always loved the stampede n rodeo! I loved the Calgary Stampede when I went in gr 12 and now I love the WL stampede. It's fun and exciting. I'm not too good for no stampede, no ma'am.

Ben works tonight, then he's off for a blissful but lightning fast 4 days.

The Ups and Downs of My Day of Birth Celebration

2011-04-17T23:25:00.000-06:00

I have been noticing a sinister pattern to my birthdays that have emerged since my marriage. The 'flu. Call me crazy, but, just take a look at the statistics here! Year one: I get food poisoning on April 15th. Year two: the infamous 'flu with the resultant dehydration which brought labour on(again on the 15th, but this one lasted until the 16th). Year three: Owen get's the 'flu on his (our) birthday, I go on to get it from him. This year: Well you all know what happened. I don't like this. I don't like it a-tall.

Anyways, this year's birthday was the best. Ben worked the night before, which wasn't ideal, but you can't have everything, right? Anypop, we went out for my free Denny's breakfast after Ben got home. In the car on the way there I noted that it was chilly. And sure enough, as we're sitting in Denny's eating breakfast, snow begins to fall. That is the second time snow has fallen on my birthday since living in Williams Lake. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't a big deal, that it was just some crazy, passing cloud that would blow over soon and it would be sunny again. But no--it snowed off and on all day. For part of the day too it was like a blizzard--fat, fluffy flakes just a-flying.

But, to move on, when we got home from Denny's Ben was practically dead from sleepiness, but he wanted to give Owen his presents and watch his little birthday Easter egg hunt first, so we did that. I hid a few foil-wrapped chocolate eggs around the living room (they were all in plain sight) and then we helped him find them by pointing and saying 'look!!' in really excited voices. He got the picture pretty fast. He collected all he could and then plunked them in his little bucket. For his birthday we got him this toy...it's pretty much like a gumball machine, but with actual balls. It was SUCH hit. We can hardly tear him away from it to do things like eat or sleep. We also got him a giant teddy bear, which he has ignored so far. Anybum, then Ben went to sleep and slept deeply for the next four hours. I spent my time deciding on what to purchase with my birthday money online. Unfortunately, the only two stores that I want to buy clothes from (forever 21 and American Apparel) don't accept my prepaid credit card. I mean, forever 21 accepted the one I got for Christmas, but the one I have now is different, it's the kind you can actually keep loading up. So stupid and annoying. It's the only reason I wanted a credit card, was to buy clothes online! errg. There are lots of other stores that I haven't tried, but most other places are either not as cute or too expensive. I'm thinking I might just get stuff from etsy...because then I can use paypal. I don't know. Or maybe Ben and I'll take a trip to Kamloops and shop there. And their shopping isn't even that great. Ah well. I shouldn't complain, uh?

Anybilly, I had to wake Ben up at 2 because I had an appointment to get my hair done at 2:30. Just styled. I left my straightener at Jordan and Tracy's, and i wanted my hair pretty and shiny. So we went and did that. And then from there, straight to the rodeo! Ah! I love the rodeo. By FAR the BEST thing about WL is their stampede and their rodeo. Every year there's an indoor rodeo in April, and it always falls around my birthday. It's a 3-day event and I just thought it was simply providential that the best day of the rodeo fell on the 16th. So we bought tickets and hauled the kids (through the flying snow) to the arena. We were late getting there so we just stood at the top and walked around and looked over people's heads, but it was so exciting! Ben even bought me a cowboy hat. Some of the people in it were just tiny little kids.

After the rodeo we rushed home and Ben whipped up an amazing salad. Bbq chicken, on a bed of romaine and spinach, with red onion, chopped garlic, feta (from goat's milk), avocado, tomato, bacon, and those crispy tortilla strips. And I made some delicious honey-garlic vinaigrette. It was so amazing and delicious and garlicky. And then we dressed with the speed of lightning into some fancy duds and sped off to WalMart to buy a wedding present, because--gee I forgot to tell you--we were on our way to a wedding reception. Sigh--wasn't it perfect? A wedding reception, on MY birthday? I LOVE wedding receptions! The good food, the pretty dresses, the dancing...unfortunately, we thought it was over and left without dancing. And then apparently there were like two or three dances after we left. Oh well. It was OK--besides Owen didn't get to bed until like an hour and a half after his bedtime as it was.

On our way home from the reception, we stopped at the video store because, oh yes--on your birthday you get a FREE RENTAL! Aren't birthdays the BEST?? So I picked out 'Life As We Know It' with Katherine Heigl. It was really good, but made me too emotional. It was way too easy to imagine that happening to me and my kids. And it was a far too realistic portrayal of being a parent--I mean, that's good--but I didn't really get an escape from real life. It was more like, I was constantly reminded of it throughout the whole movie, you know? Am I making sense? And also, Katherine Heigl looked different. Did she get plastic surgery or something? Anyone else notice anything odd?

Anypippypippop, THAT was my birthday. It was perfect and wonderful. And remember, it's still my birth-week. Ben has learned well about birth-weeks. I don't even have to remind him anymore. Instead, he's all like, 'remember, it's still your birth-week, so you're entitled to..'etc etc. In'nit great?

Speaking of Ben, he went to bed like a half hour ago. I'd better get to bed too 'cause I'm exhausted I tell you.

ralph

2011-04-13T19:31:00.000-06:00

This past weekend, Ben and I carted the kids in the car and went down to the coast to go to the temple. We got to Jordan and Tracy's house early in the morning and went to bed. The next morning I slept in and Ben got up with Owen. The first thing I saw when I walked into the kitchen was Owen throwing up his breakfast. So followed three miserable days of puking, diarrhea, dehydration, and fever. Actually he was quite cuddly and slept a lot so it wasn't so bad. That was until a few days later when Ben and I got hit. I'll spare you the details, but I am going on day three. I'm starting to be able to eat small amounts of things, but basically I've been starving and slowly wasting away.

By the way--I know there were some questions as to why the Dr thought Owen may have autism--it wasn't his delayed speech. The reason we went to see the pediatrician was because of his delayed speech, but as he watched Owen playing and communicating with us he began to ask more questions. The main one is that he doesn't point to things and share his world with us. Like, if he sees a 'doggy' and gets all excited, he doesn't tug on my pant leg and point, he just runs after it. Or if he wants Ben or I to do something, he goes to the thing (i.e. water cooler) and whines. He doesn't try to get our attention, he just expects us to be in his head. He's kind of in his own bubble. But I'm not convinced he has autism. He's got good eye contact, he responds to love and affection...well, I guess he could still be on the autism spectrum, but as a very high functioning. Anyways, his development IS about a year behind average. Right now he's beginning to understand some things Ben and I say, and he can say a few words (like, maybe 4 or 5). And he just started learning how to wave bye bye. He's in the place most one year olds are at, at least in my observation. Either way, he's having trouble learning to talk and he needs extra help.

I've been eating a hearty soup and it's not sitting well in my stomach. Great. I'm dreading Angus getting this flu. I hope he doesn't get it, but it's so contagious.

I got vomit on my shoes! My brand new shoes. Sniff.

Goot.

2011-04-05T15:24:00.000-06:00

I loved General Conference. It used to be a chore to sit and listen for two straight days but now it is a positive pleasure that I bask in and enjoy. I feel nourished and filled up with the word...strengthened by the spirit. There were so many good talks. Elder Scott's was my favourite I think, followed closely by Quentin L Cook's (naturally). It was just a good weekend. Now life is progressing again though, and Ben and I are working to get his business started. He is starting up a window-washing/exterior house-cleaning business and is pumped up about it. I am too. I want to get him out of pinnacle pellet. Do you know that since the plant here in Williams Lake has started, there have been 3 deaths? I am never quite easy while he is gone.

Anyhoobie, my two babes are growing in leaps and bounds as per usual. The pediatrician thinks Owen may have autism. That is not a formal diagnosis though. He is being assessed further...but until then I am actually not stressed about it at all. I talked to Delanie and she told me a lot of what I could do and what's out there to help. Even if he doesn't have autism. So that's that...

It is my birthday month! Hooray hooray. I'm super excited about it. I have noted all your opinions about which cake I should choose, and it has rather strengthened my own desire to have the chocolate lamington cake. It is just different and it appeals to me. Esther was the only other one who voted for that one. The ganache one DOES look goot, yes ('goot' is a typo but I like it) and the layered lovely was the other most popular. But lahbi is correct in saying cutting all those layers would be tricky, and I don't want Ben to stress too much about making the perfect cake. Goot.

Owen need's my attention. guess I'll be going. 'Preshiatcha as the veritable lahbe would say.

by george!

2011-03-29T15:29:00.001-06:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. A few different people have pointed this out to me. But I've just gone through one of those phases where you just don't have a minute to spare to sit down at the computer, you know? I have some time today so I've been catching up....whew there's a lot of blogs to read!

Anyways I don't actually have much time so I was just going to post these pictures that I've been meaning to post for a while now...

I need help: which of these delectable cakes should I get Ben to bake me for my birthday?? I can't decide.

#1: This is a creamy orange mousse sandwiched between chocolate sponge cake.

#2: Chocolate Lamington Cake: a chocolate cake filled with cream, iced with chocolate icing and crusted with coconut flakes.

#3: I think there's 6 layers in this lovely rich layer cake.

#4: Chocolate ganache cake. Enough said.

And now for pictures of this little fatty:

And an update on me: my new shoes.

see em?

And let's finish off with a bum.

No Flat Bums Here

2011-03-20T12:19:00.000-06:00

We went for another walk the other day in the sunny sunny sunshine.

Look at his beautiful face.

There have been some in the family who claim vehemently that my bum is flat. Now I realize it's not a gigantic bum that sticks way out there, but flat?? I have included in the picture a curved arrow to further illustrate the non-flatness.

The squidgey look he gives when he just wakes up.

The other night we had another tetris-a-thon. Derick and Tanessa came over. Now Derick has some sort of amazing natural talent at tetris. Over time I developed an insanely frantic desire to beat him. So the other day I did. I kicked his butt so bad--in two matches. (One match is the first person to win 3 games). So that in turn awakened in him a burning desire to beat me. So the next day we had another tournament and he in fact beat me. So I now I want revenge. And I will get it.

chips n salsa eaten by all

the view over Ben's shoulder

the intensity

With Disastrous Results

2011-03-19T14:13:00.000-06:00

Yesterday (Ben's last day off) we decided to get caught up in our laundry by taking a few loads up to his parent's house. So we did. Dave was there, and Josh and his Mom--who was visiting. But then they all left and it was just Ben and I (and Aaron, sleeping downstairs). So...anyways, this is the thing. Their washing machine takes for-ev-er to fill up with water, so to make it go faster it's the general practice to add water from the hose coming from the sink. But, (Gail warns) you must NEVER leave while the hose is running. She's done it a few times and has flooded the place. You see where this is going, don't you? Well, I thought I'd remember. I'd put in a load, started the water going, cheerfully put in the hose, and then made my carefree way out to the kitchen where Ben and I started on a game of Seek. We'd moved our way into the living room (with the game) when I suddenly became aware of the sound of water hitting the cement floor in the basement.

"Go go go!" I cried to Ben, and we hastily ran to the laundry room (which is also Josh's room). It was filled up with water like a small lake. The surplus had escaped in a stream which went down the hallway where it found the stairs and tumbled gleefully down them. (They are unfinished stairs, so the water fell right in between the steps to the floor below). I have got to say right here that without Ben I would have flown into an all out panic. But he just got right to work, giving orders and telling me what to do, and calmly doing what had to be done. To Owen, of course, this flood was a wonderful thing. Probably the best thing that had happened all day. He had a blast.

Ben sent me downstairs to mop up the water down there, and when I came up we both went to work sopping up the water on the floor. We used so many towels. And we had to move each piece of furniture to make sure there was no water under them, and in the process we also managed to shatter a glass picture frame of Josh's. Nice. Real nice, uh? Then we set up some portable heaters to help dry out the carpet. Luckily it's a cheap carpet with nothing in between it and the cement floor. After that we heaved all the sopping wet towels into the washer to wash (let it take as long as it likes--no hose this time) and then we had to leave.

Every bone in my body was exhausted. But Ben was fine. All in a days work. He's had to deal with things like that before.

We've been watching Roswell on Netflix and we like it although it can be a little creepy sometimes. Although if you're 'Stott and have been numbed it might not seem creepy to you.

I'll post about our little tetris-a-thon (with pictures!) later.

I forgot to say a few important things.

2011-03-17T18:15:00.000-06:00

#1: I watched such a good movie the other day on netflix. It was so so good. It left me with the most wonderful, uplifted feeling. It's called 'Arranged'...see it!! (so romantic)

#2: I'm in the midst of watching another hugely enjoyable film on netflix...a SWEDISH film, labi. 'As it is In Heaven'. Maybe you've already seen it. If not you must. There. That's all I have to say.

a dairy-free version

2011-03-17T16:26:00.000-06:00

Guess what? I am now on yet another baby-imposed diet. Those seem to be the only ones that work because they are the only ones with strong enough motivation behind them. This one is a dairy and nut-free (and probably should be soy-free as well) diet. You see, for a long time now, actually, I've wondered if Angus' eczema was allergy-induced. Maybe he's allergic or sensitive to something I've been eating. I was pretty much convinced of it, but whenever I brought it up to other people, they were all like 'oh, I don't think they could be related', blah blah blah. You know? I need to be more confident with my own gut feelings. Anyhow, then Ben was saying how his coworker, who has eczema, says that his goes away if he watches his diet and stays away from dairy and wheat. Well that clinched it for me. I decided right then and there to go off of dairy. So I did. And then, to make up for it, I kind of started eating a lot of peanut butter. And almond milk. But I felt uneasy about that for some reason. And then I started looking into it, and I found this great sight for breastfeeding mothers who have babies with allergies, and found out that a lot of babies are sensitive to peanuts as well.

Anyways, I'm doing this because Angus' eczema is terrible and it's just been getting worse and worse, and nothing seems to help. His cradle cap isn't going away either. Actually, at this point his whole scalp is covered in eczema, and on top of that there's the cradle cap (which is actually a form of eczema). And then it's behind his ears and in his neck folds and around his eyes and in his eyebrows and in his wrist folds...it's terrible. It keeps him up at night scratching and scratching with his mitt-covered paws...and when he manages to get a mitt off in the night in the morning his head and face is covered with scratches. It just seems more like a toxic reaction to something than just that it's too dry here. And both cradle cap and eczema are symptoms in babies of a sensitivity to milk protein. And babies who are allergic to the milk protein are often also allergic to soy, so...and then since peanuts are also a common allergen, and since I had an uneasy feeling when I'd eat peanut butter, I'm just playing it safe and cutting all that stuff out. This is day three and already he's starting to look better. His face is almost all clear and now it's mostly just on his scalp.

Well at least this way I'll loose weight, uh? Yesterday we went for our first walk of the year! My first walk since before 'Gus was born! It was SOO nice out. Granted, there's still snow on the ground, but the road was dry and the sun was out and the air was cool and mild and wonderful. I pushed 'GusGus in the stroller and Owen walked beside Daddy, clutching one of Daddy's thick fingers in his small hand. He was just like a dog, stopping and investigating everything he saw. We walked to the park but before Owen got too close I went and checked it out first to be sure it was playable. Good thing I did--It was a lake of ice and snow. So we turned back and headed for home. I love walks like none else.

A Heart Like His

2011-03-13T22:25:00.000-06:00

That is the book for this month's book club meeting. I chose it. I ordered two second-hand copies for a pittance, and now I'm reading, or re-reading, one of them. It's so good. Just reading it I feel flooded with love. Gail has already read it and she thanked me profusely for suggesting it. I knew Gail would like it. I can't wait to talk about it this month. (In case anyone is interested, it's by Virginia H. Pearce).

Ben and I left church after sacrament meeting because he has to work tonight, so we came home so he could sleep. Owen stayed at church and went home with his Grandma. He's getting so good at going to nursery. They're releasing the current nursery leader now though, and there's not going to be one. Not good. Apparently, you're only supposed to have that calling for 6 months? I seem to recall Mom having it for much longer. Or maybe that's just our branch's take on it. Anyways, Abby, Chantelle and I are going to take turns so there can still be a nursery. I'm not really nervous about it. Maybe I should be. Three toddlers who can't really talk...all in the same small room? Yikes. Oh well. We'll help eachother. That's what sisterhood and Relief Society is all about! I admit, one of my all time fears is being called as a nursery leader. Right up there underneath RS president or Sunday School teacher. Bleh, what's the point in having fears? Right?

This picture is so yellow due to my yellow kitchen curtains. Just so you know.

Angus ain't afraid o' nothin! Unless it's that he isn't quite chubby enough--which would explain the frantic feeds.

Is it really 9:21? Daylight savings ate an hour of my day! Remind me again--must we continue to do daylight savings? Honestly what's the point? Yeah, so it started in WWI to give soldiers more daylight in which to...do whatever is was they did. But now? Can't we just enjoy the day as it is already? Who's with me! Not to mention, I don't understand how taking an hour from the morning and giving to the evening, and vice versa, really changes anything in the long run. Except our sleeping patterns. Am I missing something here?

On another note, spring is really coming to Vilhelm's Lake! I thought I was broken. I thought that I had given up hope that spring would ever come again. But I found today that I was wrong, when I rejoiced that we could actually SEE Ben's parent's road. It has been hidden under snow since November? December? Not to have emerged until just now! Isn't it exciting??! In fact, everything has started melting so fast. This morning, for instance, when I pranced out the door in my cute lil boots (ala 'fub) I was navigating my way across a difficult terrain of ice and hard-packed snow. When we arrived home after church, gone was the slippery ice, and in it's place--a puddle. Granted, a puddle isn't the most wonderful thing in the world (at least, when you are a woman who values dry pants and shoes and socks), but it is a thing that bespeaks the coming of spring and therefore it is a thing of joy in my books. I will endure the puddles gladly because it means spring is soon to come!

Confessions

2011-03-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day of small projects. Things that have been bugging me for a loo-ong time. Such as the utensil drawer. I would have taken a before-after picture, except it would have been too embarrassing. It was so gross...crumbs and raisins and even a glob of honey in there...suffice it to say I no longer let Owen play with that drawer. Not after it's so nice and clean and organized! That felt good. Then I moved on to my shelf in the bathroom. It was pretty much chaos. Bobby pins, hair elastics, headbands, clippies, eyeshadow pots, eyeliner... razors...all in disaray! Not no more, my friends. Not no more. Speaking of which, I need a new makeup bag. Oh, you don't care whether or not I need a new makeup bag? Too bad.

I also cleaned the phone receiver thing (how did it get so filthy?). And then I proceeded to make two loaves of bread (sans breadmaker), make some of my delicious peanut-butter granola (peanut butter granola should be a more widespread thing in my opinion), do a load of laundry, hang up said laundry to dry, and put away three baskets of clean clothes. All within a morning. In between feeding and caring for two babies. Some days I am a superwoman, you know? Makes me realize that one is only capable of what they THINK they are capable of. I'm the only one holding myself back, ya know? Probably more moms with two kids get WAY more accomplished in a day than I do. That list I just wrote is probably the norm with most women. Well at least I try.

Ben's second day! Yay! That means I get a half-day with him tomorrow, before he has to sleep and then go to work for his graveyard. That means he can come to church with me! Hooray!

In the spirit of confidentiality, my hair is not a pretty picture right now. It is greasy. Great. Now everybody knows that I allowed a gloop of honey to exist in my utensil drawer (for who knows how long), I had a chaotic bathroom shelf and I let my phone receiver get filthy. On top of that, I have greasy hair. Isn't it lovely? Of course I am aware that I am freely writing this down and that anyone on the world wide web could read it if they so chose...luckily i'm pretty sure the www is interested in things other than my little blog here. And my sisters (and honorary sisters, Karey) already know I can be a lazy slob. Maybe that's why it's so easy to confess all this on here.

I'm getting lots of volume from both babies right now so I'd better skadoodle. Yes I just said skadoodle. Don't judge me.

anniverary celebration photos

2011-03-11T13:50:00.000-07:00

In the car on the way there. Bundled up. Remembered last time.

hi.

not the most flattering picture, but I included it in the interest that you might see how cold it was.

I actually DO have a handsome husband, whatever these pictures may tell you.

A pecan tart not to be believed until one tries it.

Ben enjoyed this a little too much.

2011-03-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

Since nobody seemed to read my comment, I just have to say right here and now, that I didn't think chip represented chip in my dream! I've always interpreted my dreams as everyone in it represents me--at least since I learned of that in gr 12. Got that? It still bothers me that he always shows up. But I really don't want to talk about it anymore. Onto other things.

Today is Ben's last day off. Sniff. Tomorrow is everyone else's Friday but it's my Monday. These were an eventful few days, though. They included mine and Ben's anniversary (at least, our celebration of it) and Gail's birthday (she's 63 I think). For her birthday, everyone went up to their house and surprised her with breakfast. Abby made eggs benedict and I made fresh fruit salad with whipped cream. It was good.

Ben and I celebrated our anniversary by dropping Owen off at his grandparent's house and a sleeping Angus at Daniel and Abby's, and stealing one hour to ourselves. We debated how to spend that hour, and agreed that we would go sledding, followed by hot drinks at a coffee shop. Just like Valentine's, as it was so successful. I'll post pictures of it later, as well as a small video Ben took of me sliding wildly down the hill and screaming.

Everyone's sleeping in the house now except for me. I just had a nap. Ben and I take turns with our naps.

I don't know what to make for dinner. Ben and I can't afford meat. That's right. All I've got to last me through 2 weeks is a freezer-burned lump of old ground beef. Eww. And GIGANTIC salami. I suppose the salami is good if I make pizza...

Why Do I...

2011-03-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

keep having dreams about Chip? Honestly that was all so long ago now! It's actually quite irritating that he always shows up in my dreams. I don't think about him during the day. Except when I had a dream about him. Last night I dreamt that I made friends with hi ex-wife and we baked cookies together. I also demanded why he didn't love me, (which he never answered).

Anyways, up at 6:00--not pretty. Ben's working his two graveyard shifts so he'll be home at 7. I think (if she offers) I'll let Gail take Owen to church today and I'll just stay home with Angus and sleep. I'm so tired. But I did have a good day yesterday. Ben looked after Owen at home and I left, with Angus, early in the morning with Abby, Gail, Tanessa, and Mary, to the annual Stake Relief Society lunch in Prince George. It was so much fun. I saw a tiny Auntie Heather there, who cooed and doted on Angus and held him for a while until she said she felt like her arms would break. He is a hefty chunk, but I really don't notice. My arms have been officially trained. I guess that makes me a real Mom! When we pulled into the parking lot (which was hemmed in with piles of snow 10-15 feet high), I saw Uncle Dennis shovelling off the walkway, but I never got to say hi to him. It's nice to have family around in such a distant place. Gives one a warm feeling.

Basically what happened was, three different women got up to talk: a young Mother, a more experienced Mother with a family of varied ages, and an empty-nester. In between times there were musical numbers and activities, such as writing compliments on cards we had pinned to our backs. One person described me as 'graceful' which caused me a little inward mirth--I'm going to show that one to Ben when he gets home and we'll laugh about it together. I am firmly established as a klutz around here. But it's still nice that somebody thinks I'm graceful. Most other people said how I was a devoted Mother, which made me feel good. I didn't know anyone thought that about me. But I guess it is the focus of my life right now. After all that we had lunch, which was a bunch of salads. Mainly Caesar, potato, and broccoli salads. The broccoli salad was sooo good--why haven't I made it before? It's so simple. I am SO on board now though. I think I'll make one for lunch today. And then there were countless fancy cupcakes for dessert. I mean--someone went through a lot of effort to make all these different fancy cupcakes. Some had fillings, some had pretty designs and flowers and shavings on them. Me and Abby had three. It was just so hard to choose between them!

We stopped at Value Village afterward. There were lots of things I wanted to buy, but I didn't. Then we drove home.

When I got home Ben had dinner ready and it smelled phenomenal, but he couldn't stay and chat, other than a few quick words, because he had to leave right away for work. It was a good, full day. I'm glad I was able to go--it's the first one I've been able to make it to.

Ben should be home soon, yay!

The Way of Life.

2011-03-04T15:46:00.000-07:00

Angus is sleeping--thank goodness, I wasn't sure how to cope with him. He's being so tortured by his eczema. It crops up all red and nasty and subsides and crops up again many times throughout the day. Owen is sleeping too. What a nice, un-looked for break. Sometimes Owen is really good and awesome and plays by himself for hours at a time in his room, other days he follows me EVERYWHERE and if I'm lucky he plays for 2 minutes by himself before whining and running to find me. If I'm holding Angus he'll try and climb on top or push Angus away somehow. Those are the days where my sanity quickly ebbs away. Yesterday was such a day. And then Ben came home from work and everything was fine again in a matter of seconds. I'd almost move to Lethbridge just so he could work at his old job from 6am-2pm mon-fri. This 4-on, 4-off, 12-hour shifts just don't do it for me.

I am eating, if anyone is interested, some brown rice with black beans, chopped bacon, garlic, cilantro, and chipotle lime mayo. The chiopotle lime mayo has become a staple for me for dressing up otherwise boring dishes. Thanks 'fub. And I'm eating a lot of rice lately because it cooks in the background while I can tend to my kids. I have a breadmaker now (one of Ben's coworkers gave it to us) so I'm thinking of making some pizza dough and making a sort of calzone-like thing with ground beef and bacon and spinach and peppers and some sort of sauce. I wish I had onions. But I don't. That's the way of life.

The other day in the car I was eating a handful of chocolate chips and Ben saw me and mentioned how Angus was sick so how could I do that? I promptly handed him the remainder of chocolate and he threw them out the window. I wish I could always remember 'Gus when I eat chocolate.

Anyways, it's mine and Ben's 3 year anniversary in TWO DAYS. We haven't planned what we're going to do yet. He's working, as it turns out. He thought he had it off but must have miscalculated. Oh well. We're just going to celebrate it the next day. Our reception was on the 7th, so it's the anniversary of our reception, which felt almost as weddingish as the actual wedding.

Both babies are now awake and I must flee.

Just another picture post

2011-03-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

The other day Ben and I packed up the kids and went to the mall. I tried on clothes (not to buy, just to see what is fitting my body right now and for fun (or 'kicks and giggles' as Ben would say) ) while Ben played with Owen and Angus. Here is a documented pic of us in the elevator (minus one butterball).

Sarah I know you're critiquing my hair.

my beautiful--but sick--boy watching a show on netflix

what a handsome young chap

I had to include all these pictures of naked 'Gus because they were TOO cute.

Daddy and Angus affably chillin'

Owen ripped away from his bowl of frosted flakes to have his diaper changed.

the traumatic ordeal is over thankfully

bee rattle

me and 'Gus play it cool for the camera. That icy-blue-gray eye shadow was a gift from 'Stott when I was in Gr. 9. That's 10 years ago folks.

Today's Ben's first day back to work. Last night we borrowed tetris from Josh and had a tetris-athon with Tanessa and Derek. It was really fun and the time flew by--and suddenly it was past midnight. Which was not good for Ben and I. I got a short nap today at least, but poor hun.

Eczema and Shallowness

2011-03-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

Angus is sick. He's got this rotten cold--we all got it. He isn't sleeping well and he's all stuffed up. And if that isn't hard enough for the poor little guy, his eczema is cropping up especially nastily lately. Especially around his eyes. That's another thing that prevents him from sleeping--he just scratches and scratches and scratches, tossing and turning. We have to have mitts on him all the time to keep him from scratching his face raw. It breaks my heart to see my poor baby suffering this way--and there's almost nothing I can do. For the eczema, I've tried everything--coconut oil, aveeno eczema cream with colloidal oatmeal, this cream recommended by the health food store guy called 'mayan magic'--I've even tried applying black walnut tea and chamomile tea. Nothing seems to help. And since the worst of it always seems to be around his little eyes, what can I do? I put stuff there, and he just scrubs at it with his little mitts and it gets into his wee eyes and then his eyes are smarting on top of everything else. I tell you, I feel wrung out from watching him suffer. And yet between times he is still so cheerful and smiley. I often think of his baby blessing, which basically said two things, if you remember--that he would be obedient, and that he would have many trials in his life which would make him stronger. Are the trials starting already? It's not fair! He's just a baby.

a sick baby falling asleep in Daddy's arms after crying for about an hour

look at his poor eyes

Anyways, today is Ben's last day off. We're both sleep-deprived. I am not ready to look after the two sick children by myself. Am I a weakling? Today in my shower I reminded myself to look at the day in a positive light. Sometimes everything just seems overwhelmingly negative--even just the little things, and I allow myself to get pulled down into that current. It's so easy.

Ben's half sister, Julie's daughter, Jacqueline, is visiting right now. Ben and I went up the other day to visit. She loves babies and loved holding Angus and getting down on the floor and playing with Owen. I love it when people are like that. I wish I was more like that.

Jacqueline posing with Gus-Gus

Last night for our date Ben and I went swimming and then came home to watch a rented movie--we got Killers. It's supposed to be a romantic comedy about a couple who seem perfect except for the fact that the guy is a spy who specializes in assassinating people--unknown to her. Well, we turned it off. We just weren't interested. It wasn't funny or exciting. So we put in Glee, which we've been watching lately and really enjoying. But we couldn't get into that either. Everything just seemed so twisted, and people were disappointing and shallow. So we put in friends, which we usually enjoy watching together. And we were both just overwhelmed at the shallowness and...well, for lack of a better word--worldliness. So we turned it off. Then we listened to a General Conference talk, and felt nourished rather than, well--having junk stuffed into our heads, numbing us.

Now we're sorting the laundry and I have to go help.

Views of a Thigh

2011-02-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

Today is so sunny and bright that I had to close the yellow curtains this afternoon while did dishes--I was getting too hot. Speaking of doing the dishes, would ya take a look at this hard-working pair?? How cute is that? I love Owen's chubby back.

I hope Katie isn't offended by the fact that Ben is garment-clad in these pics. That's just the way he rolls :)

Today is the in between day, meaning that Ben has worked his two days and now he works two nights, so I get a day with him in the middle. He's sleeping right now, as is Angus, and Owen is singing as he eats blueberry yogurt in his high chair. Save On has finally started stocking more varieties of Liberte Mediterranean Yogurt. About time. This morning we went grocery shopping. It was fun.

Isn't he beautiful?

The past two days have gone surprisingly well. Usually after two full days of looking after the children alone I go a little crazy, but these two days weren't bad! I think the key here is finding balance. Balance between keeping the house clean and showing attention to my babes and slipping in a little restful me time. You know? Do you know, we have lived here for almost a year? Isn't that crazy? I've now experienced all four seasons in this house. It feels like just a few months ago that we moved here.

I have nothing more to say (I feel like all my posts are the same) so I'll just leave you with this mini photo essay.

Views of Angus' thighs:

swimming

2011-02-22T15:04:00.000-07:00

Today is Ben's last day off and he's spending the prime hours of it shoveling snow with his Dad. Yipee. Oh well. I try not to let Owen watch too much TV ever since I learned that it impairs babies learning how to talk, but I broke down without too much internal struggle after a couple hours and put on VeggieTales. Owen, Angus and I are all sick right now. It's not a pretty picture.

Last night was blissful. Ben and I were finally brave enough to cart ourselves and all our kidlets to the pool. The pool is one of our favourite places to be. As we sat outside the glass wall watching everyone swim, we ate potato wedges,and waited for it to be time to go in ourselves. I turned to Ben. 'I miss being here' I said. 'Me too'. He agreed. We used to go once a week.

Anyways, once we got in, I primarily held Angus. I held him with one arm across his chubby chest and one arm underneath his chubby legs, so that he was basically a chubby ball. I know I talk all the time about him being a chubby ball but that's what he is!! I love it!! Anyways, he LOVED it. He never made one peep, just relaxed in my arms and looked around him in wonder and sucked on his fingers. Owen and Daddy, meanwhile, had a BLAST. Owen was SO happy. They went down the slide, threw balls, splashed around, and played basketball with some bigger boys in the big pool. I got out before Ben and Owen, and wrapped Angus snugly in his towel and carted him around with me as I dried off and got dressed. He just lay there and sucked his fingers and didn't fuss at all. He was so content. He didn't even fuss when I peeled off his damp towel and wet swim diaper. After the swim, we picked up some pizza and a movie and came home, a feeling of general contentment spread amongst us.

But now I miss Ben. I don't like it when he's gone on his last day off. If I didn't have two sick needy children I'd make banana bread. But as it is I think I'll just concentrate on them and watch the minutes tick by slowly.

Weekend Recap ala 'fub

2011-02-21T00:09:00.000-07:00

Owen this past summer. Look how tanned he was and how bleached his hair was. Cute.

This was at the end of summer when the branch had the triathlon for the soul event.

pregnant with 'Gus but you can't tell can ya? That sweater was handy for that.

Snapped a quick pic of the outfit I wore to the Valentine's Dinner.

love

So 'stott mentioned there's not as many pictures of Owen, and this is why: he's never still and I get a bunch of pictures like this.

So then I break down and use flash and get a picture like this where you can see every detail of his grubby little face. But look at those eyelashes. They are unreal.

Today is Sunday and it was a good one. I love it when Ben's not working and we can go together as a family. There were good talks, and Sunday School was shaping up to be interesting (until I had to leave to nurse 'Gus) but relief society was my favourite. I love getting together with other women. We talked about service. I just enjoyed listening to what everyone was saying. Usually I pitch in with my two bits, but today I just sat back and listened and learned.

Last night was book club, and so fun! Hardly any one could make it, just me, Gail, Abby and Tanessa, but it was fine. We talked about the book, then Gail left to go to bed, and Abby, Tanessa and I stayed and talked for hours. I love book club.

It's late and I should got o bed.

platforms

2011-02-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

I had a dream that Owen and I were separated by a wide empty plaza. We were each on escalators--at first I thought that both escalators were leading down and that we were moving towards each other, but I didn't seem to be getting any closer to him. I tried taking a few steps down but of course, suddenly I realized that my escalator was going up. I could see that Owen was almost at the bottom, and I thought he would need my help at the bottom step--that he might fall otherwise. So determined, I ran as fast as I could down the 'up' escalator and finally reached the bottom. But before I could reach Owen across the plaza, he had already come to the bottom, and he didn't need my help after all on the bottom step. Then he somehow got past me and ran towards the up escalator that I'd just been on. I thought--I should supervise him, that could be dangerous--but for some reason it was too hard to get there in time so for a time I just gave up. Then suddenly I thought--he could pinch his fingers while he crawls on the steps--and I ran forward to help him. Then the dream morphed. Owen and I were on a gymnasium at a park. I was clutching him to my chest. We were on a small wooden platform, and around us were wobbly bridges suspended high above the ground. At first we were having fun. Then suddenly I was afraid. I was afraid to move lest we fall. I clutched Owen to my chest and could feel us slipping. Then Ben arrived and took Owen from me and went on the monkey bars with him. The ground was further below than ever and I lay down on the platform and tried to stop myself from falling. I pondered on how this used to be fun but now it was dangerous. Then Ben arrived back with Owen and I stopped slipping. He told me there was nothing to fear. Then I woke up.

Gotta go to church!

I should have known.

2011-02-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

Andrea warned me, and I recognized the truth of her admonition, but I still did it. I watched the move 'Eat, Pray, Love' AFTER reading the book. I wanted to do what she said, but it's just that I finished reading the book too fast. The very day I finished the book was the day we were able to finally rent the movie. I had to turn it off midway. Such an unsatisfying and maddening representation of the book! I finished it tonight though (Ben's first graveyard shift) and I can see how, if I hadn't read the book, I might like the movie. Might. It's hard to get past it. Julia Roberts is pretty though. That fact can't be denied. She's older and is visibly a mother now which only adds to the glow of beauty in my opinion.

Oy--speaking of being a Mom. I am one. I need to remind myself of that fact every now and again. Most especially when I'm straining to watch an episode of Restaurant Makeover on the computer and Angus is whining and Owen's pulling at my leg. If I'm in a deep enough trance, it'll sometimes take me a few moments before I suddenly realize, 'oh yah. these are my kids. I need to look after them. It's my responsibility. You have things to do that take priority over TV shows now'...and I get up and turn it off. Restaurant Makeover's not that good anyways. And not nearly so rewarding. What can it give me that compares to a heavy and softly-breathing 2-year-old relaxing completely against me in the mornings, and after a few silent moments pulling back suddenly to look in my face and joyfully say 'da!' (his favourite word). He wouldn't love and trust me so much, let me tell you, if I neglected him constantly and watched TV shows instead of cultivating a relationship with him.

Anyways, I don't know why I'm saying all this. By the way, we got Owen's hearing checked and he can hear just fine. I always knew he could hear but I let somebody else cause me to doubt. He still can't (or won't) talk, other than to occasionally call a ball 'dahll' or his blankie 'ditti' or to say numumnum (for 'num num'). That pretty much wraps up his vocabulary. As for what he can understand, that's a little harder the gauge, but I know that he's understanding more of what I say lately. And he's finally letting me read to him a little bit--he's never let me before. Angus already loves it when I read him a book. Calms him right down.

look at that chubby face!!

I wish I had something more to write but I really don't, so I'll leave you with these pictures.

Valentine adventures of the sledding sort

2011-02-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Valentine's Day. Mine has been awesome so far. Ben planned the whole day out for me and surprised me. First off, he let me sleep in, secondly, he asked me what I wanted for breakfast and made it to order. I wanted grapefruit to be followed by buttered toast (on homemade oatmeal walnut bread) with scrambled eggs atop it. We had to zip up to his parent's place quickly then and put in a load of laundry (we are woefully behind) and then we went out to do the surprise activity, which turned out to be sledding! It was SO fun. It was sunny outside with a snappy cold wind and freshly-scrubbed blue sky, and we went to this catholic school that has a steep hill leading down to the lower field. I so wish I had brought one of our 3 cameras. But oh well--I'll just have to remember in my head. For the first few sleds, we went down together as a family, and then Ben persuaded me to go down by myself. I screamed the whole way down. For some diabolical reason, the sled achieved a mind of it's own and veered sharply to the left and i went tumbling down the hill sideways at full speed. Ben found it very amusing. The second time I tried going down by myself was even worse--half-way down everything seemed to go completely out of control and I tumbled OFF the sled. And smacked my tender pink hand against the hard-packed snow. And landed right on my butt. But it was soo fun anyways, I had such a good time. Why do we stop doing the things we found so fun as children?

Afterward, cold and windblown and breathless, we went to a coffee shop and got some hot drinks. Then we popped back up to his parent's to put in some more laundry, played some games with his Dad, then came home, ate lunch and I snuggled in bed with a book while the children napped. Now it's dinner time and Ben just finished making me some delicious steak wraps (which I'm eating with chipotle lime mayo thanks to a genius 'fub) and we're going to watch 'Martian Child' on netflix.

By the way, I had no idea how delightful a movie 'Bewitched' was! I love it. Totally love it! I'm not really a fan of Will Ferrel (other than in Stranger Than Fiction. I guess I kind of am a fan) but I think he's hillarious in that movie. Now I want to watch the original TV show.

Oh and for desert chocolate cream pie. I just love Valentines Day.

Another Valentines thing I look forward to every year is the Valentines party the branch throws. I've been to three so far and they've all been different. The first one all the food was made by the men--lasagna and garlic bread and salad (is it sad I remember that?) followed by a pie contest. The second one (last year) was super fancy with decorations and arches and homemade pitas and tziki sauce and cheesecake, and a dance after dinner. (once we got home I promptly had a gallstone attack, which made the whole thing very memorable). This year's was super casual. We had it in the gym. No decorations. Just finger food and appetizers, and a family dance with lots of games and activities. There was musical chairs (I forced Ben to do it--so funny watching him! And strangely sexy as well. Don't ask me why) and spot dances and lots of other things. Twas a riot.

Gotta go--the night is short and Ben works tomorrow.

playing around

2011-02-08T13:58:00.000-07:00

For Ben's b-day, his friend Kat got him a Kodak play sport camera. It's really cool--it looks like a phone and it takes HD films and photos. I had fun playing with it, and Ben even played with it too. Here's some pics I took. I love that I don't have to use flash and get non-blurry pictures in a darkened room. However, then the quality is lessened. But Ah well.

the eagle picture I printed out for Ben's birthday. I just think it's so cool that Laura was close enough to an eagle to take it. Makes it extra special. Ben loves it. Looks handsome on our wall, too.

Look how chubby! (Angus sitting in his 'arm chair')

illegal cuteness

getting a little sleepy here. Look at the cheeks and the little sucked-in lower lip!

Angus in jolly jumper

Another successful set of days off completed.

2011-02-07T09:43:00.000-07:00

They were so marvelous. Glorious, even. I can't even recall my favourite part. There were so many good moments. Like on Ben's birthday when we stayed up until after midnight with friends playing Canadian monopoly. Or earlier that night when Ben made fun of his single friend, Derek and talked (somewhat) dirty and made him blush--(and that said friend, btw, had three pieces of my delicious banana cake). I myself had two. Ben had too many to count. And then there was the day where we dropped Owen off at his grandparent's and Ben drove me to the gym, and I worked my butt off for a good 45 minutes. It felt SO good. Then we got subway on the way home, and once we got there, Ben held Angus so I could have a luxurious 2 hour long nap. After which we went up to his parents for more birthday cake and birthday dinner and games. Canasta, too--which we won. And then yesterday, the first Sunday in so long, it seems, that Ben wasn't working, so we both got to go to church. Angus wore his cute little golfer shirt and sweater vest and tan 'slacks' from Auntie Tracy and made all the girls weak in the knees with pure chubbiness.

Now, however, Ben's first day back on, I seem to have contracted a cold which effects solely my throat. It is sore and scratchy and dry. That's not to say the good times have stopped, however. Both babies slept until 7:30 so I got a delicious sleep and I feel well-rested. And it snowed outside and the world is white and peaceful. And inside I am playing from my ever-growing list on Grooveshark and dancing with Owen whenever Meaghan Smith comes on. And I have a pot of honey-sweetened red raspberry tea cooling. Life's good.

30 years of __________ ( you fill in the blank)

2011-02-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

I'll say 30 years of being handsome. That's right. Ben turns 30 tomorrow. I am making lasagna and his favourite banana cake and inviting some of his friends over to play games tomorrow night. My hun, as per what is turning out to be tradition, is celebrating his birthday eve by cleaning the house aft to stern. Usually I help him. I'm helping a little bit, this time, but not much to be honest. I am mostly cooing with Angus and marvelling at how he is so squishy and sometimes seems like nothing more than a chubby ball--and of course, writing this blog post.

speaking of Angus...just look at him!!

We are ordering pizza and being irresponsible tonight. It is his birth week and it's the time for being irresponsible! Besides, we've been sticking to our budget well lately, so we can afford it. For which I'm glad. For his birthday, I printed out three of Laura's eagle pictures, one 8x11 and two 5x7s, and got a matted frame for the 8x11. I'm excited to give it to him tomorrow. And he's excited, which is great. He's never been excited for his birthday, or Christmas, or anything in the past. He says I'm rubbing off on him. Isn't it great?

So we went to the Dr's today, both for Angus' 3 month check and also to get a referral to an audiologist for Owen. Angus is 14 lbs 15 oz!! He's almost fifteen pounds! He's such a little fatty. The bad news is we have to get his chest x-rayed again. It's pretty certain there's no problem, because the concern with babies who have cpam is that they don't gain weight or grow well, but Angus is gaining really well and growing really well. As for Owen, there is an audiologist in town it turns out, and the Dr referred him to them as well as to a bunch of other places so we could rule out the reason for his delayed speech right away.

So, if you have a special birthday message for Ben's 30th you write a comment and I'll tell my hun on his birthday!

2011-02-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

a few people have approached me now about Owen's hearing. I can't ignore it anymore--I'm going to get him checked out. The number one thing is he doesn't respond to his name. Doesn't flinch, look up, turn around, nothing. And he'll be two this April. Number two is he is barely talking. People think I'm silly when I say I don't even think he knows that I am called 'Mommy'. He only says like 3 or 4 words. By the time he is two he should know 50 words and be able to say short sentences. He should be able to follow instructions. Well he can't do any of that. This morning when Gail came to pick up Owen for a few hours, she had a little chat with Ben and I about it, and got me worried enough that I called Auntie Sheila for some advice. She had a lot to say...basically I know Owen doesn't have profound hearing loss (what Danny has) but he could have mild, moderate or severe hearing loss. She gave me a bunch of tests to do to ascertain whether or not he can hear, and told me to set up an appointment with an audiologist. Luckily enough, we don't HAVE an audiologist in Williams Lake. Sigh. Now I'm all worried and I want to get on this RIGHT AWAY and I feel frustrated at anything blocking my way...

The reason I didn't do anything sooner was because I know he can hear. He plays sound games and imitates some sounds I make. Like 'weee'. Or 'vroom vroom'. But according to Aunt Sheila there are 4 different types of vibrations, and he may only be hearing some of them. Anyways, I'm really anxious to get on top of this. He may have hearing loss or he may just be speech-delayed...either way I want to find out.

I made brownies last night and I already ate two this morning...get a grip Bethany...!

Anyways I'll let you guys know when I find out.

no words needed

2011-01-31T16:50:00.000-07:00

The only thing I need to add is a small anecdote for Sarah's sake: there is a woman who works at Wal-Mart who has a sideways mullet. Instead of short on top, long in back, it's short on one side and long on the other. And fluffed out nicely too.

I will leave you to mull that over.

mystery smell

2011-01-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

I don't like how some of those really popular blogs out there always have to read like a novel or some polished, witty essay. Bugs me. Can't they just relax and write? I thought that's what blogs were about. But then, when I started this blog in Gr 12, I had no idea that they would become so huge and that people would make tons of money off of them and stuff. I just wanted to write stuff down. But that's just me. To each their own I suppose. Anyways...

There is a really gross fishy smell in my living room that I woke up to this morning. I've tried all morning so far to find it and have been completely unsuccessful. It is frustrating. What is also frustrating is the horrible night last night...but I'll try not to dwell on that. I have a whole day ahead of me. Sigh.

BUT, book club last evening was great! I'm so glad Claudette and I started it. I always look forward to it and it's always so nice to go. The book we're reading for February is Eat Pray Love--Gail's pick. My pick is the next month, and I'm excited for it: A Heart Like His. Anyways, there were chocolate almonds and crackers and cheese and deli meats and mango juice and basically good food, and there is so much to talk about in Three Cups of Tea that we had a really good, varied discussion.

Owen has a cold so I can't go to church today. I say can't, but I suppose I should say, won't. Because the only feasible way of getting through those three hours on my own (Ben's working today) is when Owen can go to nursery for 2 of them. And I'm not going to send him in there with a cold (I hate it when other Mothers do that) so I'm stuck at home ALL DAY. Maybe I'll listen to some General Conf. talks. Maybe that will spread peace into my soul.

Owen's downing a bottle of red raspberry tea. I just drank a tall glassful myself. Sometimes that mug of tea (by tea I mean infusion) is the only 'me' time I get all day. Yesterday (Ben's last day off) I handed Angus to Ben, and he watched both kids for me as I went into our room and shut the door and slowly sipped my mug of tea. It was very nice. And over all too soon. You see, yesterday was a gong show all day. It was a very hard day for both Ben and I (although HE got a nap) and by the end we both felt completely spent. That's why is was so nice to just go to book club yesterday.

There are chocolate chips in the freezer because Ben thinks that'll stop me from eating them. Naive boy.

WHERE is the fishy smell coming from!!???!!

Antler-smell among other things

2011-01-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, even if it bothered me, the fact that le'bee has way more posts than me would not be enough to motivate me to blog if I didn't feel like it. Ya got that?

Anyways I can't seem to stop yawning these days. I need more oxygen. I'm dying to exercise more...or exercise at all. I'm withering. I have yawned 5 times while writing the above sentence. Just yawned again.

Angus is so good. He's so happy and content and smiley. Last night Ben and I went to Tanessa's house for some Mexican food. She made the tortilla's herself and it was very tasty. The whole time Angus never made an unhappy squawk. After we ate we left and Tanessa ended up coming over and we had timbits and rice crispie squares and watched K-Pax. Ben went to bed at 10 because he looked like death warmed over and I stayed up until the movie was over (midnight). Maybe that's part of why I'm yawning a lot too. (just yawned again).

Went grocery shopping this morning and got limes and chipotles because I am determined to try that delicious mayo as mentioned by 'fub...there's no reason why she should have all the yummy food.

It's later now...we just got back from Dave and Gail's, where Ben had an unfortunately unsuccessful experience in inserting the blade of his knife into the antler handle he'd gotten. (he has a bunch of friends who have piles of antlers from hunting) (No labee, they are not caribou antlers). The problem was it has to boil for a specific amount of time, and if you take the antler out too soon and try to put the blade in, it'll ruin the antler. Well, the issue was, that Ben was trying to do this at the same time dinner was being made. Dave hates waiting for dinner, (and I mean hates) and since Ben's pot was on the hot burner, he made Josh move it to the back burner (which takes forever to heat up) without Ben knowing. Hence, everything was ruined. But the blade is still alright, so we'll probably end up going back tomorrow to try again with another chunk of antler. Antlers stink, by the way. Like a kind of foul, rotten, corn chip odor.

Right now Ben is getting Owen changed into his long-john pajamas and eliciting many hearty chuckles and laughs out of him in the process. Owen seems to be more responsive lately, and sometimes gives indication that he heard you when you say his name, which is promising.

Tomorrow is going to be mine and Ben's date night--one on which we either take Angus with us or stay at home. Any ideas? We are stumped.

my bubs

2011-01-25T23:32:00.000-07:00

OK, 'bubs' looks like the kind of word Auntie Mina might use for 'boobs', but I was referring to my babies in the title, just so you know.

some more shots of my new 'do.

The focus of this shot is supposed to be Angus, but what can you do? Ben just points and shoots without looking. Anyways, I like this one because it looks as if Angus is interestedly leaning over to glance at what I'm drawing.

Owen loves playing with Angus in the bouncy chair:

Whenever Angus catches sight of Owen he gives a really big smile like this one:

He fell asleep in my arms really fast and out-of-the-blue yesterday and I had to take a picture (in the process I almost dropped the camera on his face. OK, I might have actually DROPPED it on his face. And he might have cried for a half-minute and then gone right back to sleep.)

Ben's first day off tomorrow. I anticipate them going by in a blur as they always do, with us never getting everything done that we plan to. wee! Can't wait!

views of a baby

2011-01-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

Today for lunch Owen had two cookies, some raisins and some cold scrambled eggs. He polished all that off with a tall plastic cup of water which he now insists on drinking out of by himself. He's on this new independent streak. I just put him down for his nap. Angus, in the meanwhile, is chillin on a blanket on the floor, his head slathered with coconut oil. He had some tummy time but he hates it so now he's on his back, curling and uncurling his fat limbs and making little cooing noises and squeaks.

I am LOVING my hair. The pictures I posted don't really show how it looks either...for some reason it was hard to capture on camera. But I love it!

So Ben and I are probably going down to the coast for Eric and Kim's sealing on Feb 5th. I'm super excited for it. We just need to find some people to babysit for us.

Angus' cooing is fast turning into angry squawks.

Yesterday (Sunday) I went to church with both of my kidlets by myself for the first time! Well, it wasn't exactly by myself, because I had Gail, and she's more helpful than Ben in some ways. And I only had to get through sacrament meeting and then Owen went to nursery. Angus was his good-natured self and sat chubbily with me throughout sacrament (except for the two times I had to go and change his diaper) and then slept through almost the rest of church. Easy peasy. Puddin and pie.

I recently watched 'Under the Greenwood Tree'--a BBC adaptation of the Henry Thomas novel. It's good and romantic and I recommend it. Dick Dewy in particular is very toothsome, and i LOVE, absolutely LOVE Ruben Dewy. I also recently watched the PBS version of Wuthering Heights and I thought it was SO excellent. It made me love the story. I actually didn't really care for the novel, but that movie makes the story so compelling and makes me understand why so many people love it. Watch it. Oh--but I must warn that there are some rather graphic scenes.

Views of a baby:

here you see him sporting his distinguished horseshoe ring of hair:

the fall

2011-01-22T15:14:00.001-07:00

How is it that I had a blog before Laura and yet this is only my 835th post? hmph. I haven't even made it to 1000 yet! After almost 7 years of blogging. Ah well.

Anyways, life: Ben dropped Angus yesterday (by accident, of course) while we were at his parent's. In the corner of my eye I see Ben and Josh joking around and then there's what looks like a gray bowling ball dropping out of his arms and then there's a thud. Remembering the thud alone makes my heart stop. And then while I was still trying to figure out what had happened, the bawling started. And then I knew. In the space of one heartbeat, I had deposited Owen on a chair and grabbed my son from Ben's hands. Ben was as white as a sheet. Angus cried and cried while I anxiously tried to ascertain that all his little limbs were still working. I tried to get Ben to tell me what happened and how he fell, but he was in shock and couldn't seem to get the words out.

Anyhow, to cut short that unpleasant scene, I'll just say that Angus fell asleep in my arms, and Ben felt so horrible that he told me he wanted to leave and so we left. By that time I had curbed my anger (how could he be so careless with MY baby??! etc) and was able to be reasonable. Luckily I never spoke any ugly words outloud. I suggested we go to emerg just to get some peace of mind. So we did. They made us stay for an hour just to make sure, but he is OK (other than some small rug burns on his nose and forehead). Thank goodness.

By the time we got out of the hospital it was 9:30 and way past Owen's bedtime and we hadn't had dinner yet, so we picked up some pizza on our way home. Fed Owen a bit, then put him to bed. Angus slept through the night like a saint and Owen slept in until 8:20 and so I could have slept in, if only my body would have let me. But no. I was up at 6:30 to nurse Angus, and up I stayed even after Angus was tucked cosily in bed.

And they are having a nap at the same time which is a rare and wonderful phenomenon! Oh but Angus is waking up now. Gotta go.

my new haircut

2011-01-21T01:49:00.000-07:00

in various poses, mostly for the benefit of 'stott, but just in case anyone else is interested and even if you weren't, these are pictures of my new fabulous cut which I LOVE: (and I think I've decided I like having short hair better than long)

a busy day and a chipper me

2011-01-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

This is to reassure Andrea's big sisterly concern that I might end up with a tight, curly ball of hair.

two different short hair cuts in the past: neither any curlier than normal, or any straighter:

Also, I plan on straightening it a lot, because it will be short and really easy and quick.

Angus woke up at 5 this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep after he drank his fill. He is going through a growth spurt right now, which means lots of eating while awake, but blessed long naps. When he is awake I am treated to nonstop cuteness and sweetness and happiness and contentedness (for the most part. To quote Mr. Latham, three things are certain: Death, Taxes, and a fussy babies).

Here is an example of what he does every time I or anybody talks to him: smiles smiles smiles. he's the happiest baby!

Last night was mine and Ben's 'date night'--which we opted, once again, to have at home. It's just stressful to eat out at a restaurant with an infant. It's much more relaxed at home. So after Owen went to bed we got take out. I got Boston Pizza, mainly because I was in the mood for some yam fries, and Ben got Chinese. The Chinese food here is deplorable. There's like, 5 different Chinese restaurants, and all of them SUCK. They are all so bad and cheap and chemically enhanced. You feel like you are eating greasy chemical-covered food. It took me a long time to accept this. I kept hoping I was wrong. But I was not wrong, they all DO suck, and that is the end of the story.

yet another documented smile from butterball cherub.

These following pictures speak for themselves. That is Andrea's curried squash soup, btw. Delicious.

I love my ball of butter.

The tuque Andrea knit for Angus. This is turning out to be an Andrea-themed post:

This morning in the quiet hours I got up with Owen so that my exhausted hun could sleep, and also, as noted above, I was just lying in bed awake anyways since 5. Owen somehow gravitated straight to the Boston Pizza container which had contained, last night, a slice of 'chocolate explosion'. I'd had a chocolate explosion before, and been disappointed. They lured me in again this time with the promise of a chocolate cookie crust. Don't be fooled. There's no chocolate cookie crust! It is a spongy soft cake crust and none else. Anyways, he happily scraped a plastic fork along the detritus of the pie. And I, lazy parent that I am, went ahead and let him:

Today:
-book a hair appointment
-drop off book club book (Three Cups of Tea) to next person
-go to the inlaws and clean out our old buick so Haylie can use it. She knows about the resident mouse and it doesn't deter her.
-see about going to the gym--which includes purchasing some yoga pants. I am not going to work out wearing pj pants--I draw a firm line there.
-and later tonight, Tanessa is coming over. She is my writing friend and we are going to try writing a short story together. Funnily enough, since having Angus, all my creative energy is back! It's so strange, but true.

worms and pie

2011-01-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

Ben is working tonight. His last night. That is great news.

Eryn, I'm sure, would be happy to know that ever since the incident of the parasitic meat, I have eaten almost completely like a vegetarian. Ben is hating it. He loves his meat. But aside from the fact that meat is expensive and doesn't always fit our budget, I am now extra wary of it, especially red meats and pork, which I hear are especially worm-ridden. I've looked a lot into worms since that incident also, and came up with some information that we all could benefit from. One, is: if you have a pet, you have worms. No question. Millions of people in the United States and Canada have worms and aren't aware of it. Two: worms cannot survive in the body of one who regularly takes apple cider vinegar. Also, Dr Shultz claims that no self-respecting worm can live in a body that eats raw garlic. Hummus has raw garlic in it and is delicious with tons of things I regularly eat, so that is my method of choice. And it's super easy to make. However I tend to make it and then forget about it and nobody likes finding a month-old yogurt container of garlic-reeking hummus (with a layer of liquid floating on top) in their fridge.

I can be satisfied without meat, which I didn't know before, but I'm not ready to commit to no meat ever. Anyhow, it is decided. I am cutting my hair. Like Sandra Bullock's from The Lake House. I chose that cut because it looks like a wash n wear 'do that doesn't need styling and plus is looks flattering and cute. I'm going to cut it first, then see how Owen adjusts (remember the bang incident of the summer when he wouldn't look at me or let me hold him for 2 days? It was mildly traumatic for me). Then I'll think about putting in some colour.

Tonight at the same time, Ben and I are going to eat a slice of Hershy's Creme pie. We've been deciding on this particular dessert lately and it is soooo good. I have to admit I'm often tempted to eat it during the day...but so far I've been strong. I've got to say...nothing breaks down my will power more completely than a hard, stressful day with the kids. Nothing.

picture post

2011-01-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

learning how to feed himself has been very exhilarating for Owen.

My boy is ridiculously beautiful. At least in my eyes he is.

Angus and Owen, at the exact same age--2 months, 2 weeks:

So many of my posts these days start the same way...

2011-01-09T23:39:00.000-07:00

Angus and Owen are asleep. I guess it's because that's almost the only time I can post. Angus just fell asleep as I held him and rocked him. I love him so much.

This is Ben's last night, yay! Four days off to follow. Although it feels like but a moment. So do the 4 days he works. It's like --flash--flash--flash--flash-- ...so fast. Whenever it's his days off I want to make the most of every moment but that rarely happens. We're living on a strict budget now, since we got the new car, which for the past little while hasn't included money to go out on a date. So we keep saying to each other--'let's have a date tonight, at home', and then we try to think of ways to make it special and do something different and out of the ordinary. But by the time both babies are in bed, we are both so tired that all we end up doing is maybe finish watching whatever current thing we've been watching on netflix and then go to bed. (we just finished watching Bleak House. Soo good!)

oh, speaking of netflix, I just watched another REALLY good movie on there. 'Sabah: a love story'. It's a really low-budget Canadian Indie film and it is sooo good. I fell in love with Stephen! I really did. Now you want to know who Stephen is, but you'll never know unless you watch the film.

I am tired and I should go to bed soon. My perspective has taken a shift lately. Not so zeroed in on the here and now, so caught up in the current problems. It's more afloat. This is a brief time. Before I know it Owen will be a man. Right now he is on the cusp of toddlerhood, still so tender and vulnerable, and he needs me. He desperately needs his mommy. I'm so glad he does. He won't always. I'm so glad he runs up to me with a huge smile when Gail drops him off after a day spent with Grandma. And the other day he said ' ma...ma' and ran up to me to be picked up. I don't know if he was calling me 'mama' or if it was just a coincidence, but that incidence completely melted my heart. I'm so glad I get to be his Mom. And Angus'.

Should get some sleep while I can.

2011-01-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

I deleted my last post because I wasn't quite comfortable with having all that displayed on the world wide web. I know my sisters are basically the only people who read this (and mudsy when she has time) but you never know who else may stumble upon it.

Had a nap. And a complete day without Owen. Feel ready to try again!

Really...it's all about perspective. You need to find the good in life, not dwell on your problems with intense ferocity.

a rough morning pans out

2011-01-06T14:32:00.000-07:00

Today did not start out the greatest. There were a few moments where I wanted to scream. I blame it on the combination of lack of sleep, a messy house, and two noisy children, both of whom clamor for my attention every moment. As long as I have something to blame it on....anyways, I turned to Heavenly Father and begged for help to get through the morning.

Things quieted down, I was able to do about 3 loads of dishes intermittently, and give Owen some attention. There's still some pots and pans that need to be washed, but right now both babies are sleeping and I'm not lifting a finger. I'm giving myself a break. A gift from me to me.

butterball chills on daddy's lap

I called Sarah the other day mainly because I needed to tell someone. I was wearing leggings! After having them in my drawer for over a year, I finally slipped on a comfy pair of dark purpleish/navy leggings. My black and gray pairs are still too tight for my post-pregnancy bod. It's nice to have a a sister there to share those moments with. My first legging experience!

Here you see butterball held out like a juicy piece of fruit. Note the legging-clad legs. (btw--butterball is 2 months old today!)

I couldn't have made it through this morning without my snuggle wrap. With just Owen, the snuggle wrap was handy. With two kids under the age of 2, it is imperative! Angus fell asleep plastered to my torso. It's moments like those that make motherhood worth it.

Daddy juggles in front of a delighted and enraptured Owen.

Note the St Lucia shirt, compliments Mudsy and Dad

Anyways, the rough morning panned out to (somewhat) smooth sailing. It's not every day the boys have naps at the same time. And my house isn't quite as much of a sty as it was this morning. My poor hun looked so exhausted as he tromped out the door this chilly morning in his steel-toed work boots. He stubbornly dedicated this last batch of days off to 'giving me a break' which basically meant that he got very little sleep. I actually fought him on it, which is hard to do I'll have you know, when you're that tired--but he usually won. He is a heroic man. I love him. And I like to think I make it up to him. At least I try to.

Here's to smooth sailing for the rest of the day!

butterball

2011-01-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

I am not the best version of myself today. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get my act together.

butterball shown here in daddy's arms

I had a heaping plateful of raw vegetables today for a post lunch, but I hardly think that excuses the10+ chocolate orange chip-like things I ate at Ben's parent's house and later at our own. Now I feel sick. Why do I do this to myself? The truth is I am beginning to hate chocolate and sugar. I hate the power it has over me. Am I the only one who feels this way? It just messes up my life.

Due to my encouragement, Ben duly went to his parent's (with me and babies in tow) to start working on making more knives. He's made one knife already--a bush knife or something. It's really cool, the hilt's made of antler. Anyways, a number of people have already said they'd buy a knife off of him, and he's got all the materials, so I gave him a little nudge to get going on it today. So up we went to the house of heat. I call it that because every time we go it's so sweltering hot. They always have the fireplace stacked and roaring, no matter the temperature outside. So Ben did manly things in the garage, and I sat on the couch and watched the food network channel while Angus slept and Owen whined and played with balls.

My husband is attractive.

I never posted about Christmas so here is a short recap.

I got Ben:
-a belt
-a sudoku book
-a long-sleeved cream-coloured shirt
-a key-finder
-a movie (Knight and Day)

Ben got me:
-a prepaid visa
-an itunes card
-a walmart gift certificate (remember this is williams lake and walmart's about the most exciting store around here)
-a sweater and some fleecy pj bottoms which I exchanged for some longsleeved tees and a burgundy/charcoal striped sweater
-a huge box of coloured pencils complete with sharpener.

We had promised each other a $50 dollar limit and Ben spent almost $200 on me!! Whereas I felt guilty for spending a little over 60. How is that fair? Either way I enjoyed my presents. Who doesn't like getting spoiled? My favourite by far was the prepaid visa. I promptly bought some clothes online, some of which shall be arriving soon!

we spent Christmas morning at home. Ben slept after we opened our stockings and after Owen opened his toys (a spiral thingy with balls and a shape-sorter thing). Owen played with his new toys straight all day without a break, until Ben woke up and we went to his parents for Christmas dinner. Turkey dinner is often eaten at the Shoults', so that was nothing new, but there was a spread of crackers and dip and a huge platter of homemade cookies and two large containers of chocolate almonds. Games were played, babies were coddled, food was eaten, and us women had our chats. Our chats never include gossip, or very rarely. It must be the influence of both Abby and Gail, because I have been known to gossip with other people. Although I think I'm getting better at not being a mean gossip.

I have to go, Angus (butterball) is hungry. Angus is far chubbier than Owen ever got.

New Years introspection

2011-01-01T00:43:00.001-07:00

I have to post. It is New Years Eve and I am alone (Ben's working graveyard and babies are sleeping), and I've been spending some time reading back at older posts to remember what I was doing at past new years. My life has definitely changed, that's for sure. And the whole style of my writing has changed. It was much more bubbly and almost hyper-active before. And I'd almost say more descriptive. Rather than just plainly stating the facts, I had to make everything entertaining. I guess you could say it's calmed down. I wouldn't say though that I've calmed down. But I've changed. It's nice to look back and see progress you've made over the years. It's not always obvious until you look back a substantial number of years. Let's take a look, shall we? I have nothing better to do and I'm in a retrospective mood.

2004-2005 New Years. Remember those years? Sigh. They were fun. But roller-coaster-y. Remember Chip? He'd moved away by then. I was struggling to get over him. Went through a few different boyfriends in a short period of time, trying to fill in the gap he left. Struggled with my eating disorder. It was a hard time in terms of that. I got really skinny and obsessive--I remember once going for a run near midnight through thigh-high snow in some places, more sleety snow coming down--so GLAD I'm not in that place anymore!

On a side note...that whole anorexia thing...REALLY messed me up in ways that are cropping up now that I've had two pregnancies. It seems I have one health problem after another. Immediately after having Owen there was the gallstone pain (although I didn't know what that was until I had an attack at Christmas, months later), and of course the viscous candida problem. Which took four months to get over. And the gallstones were just getting resolved when I got pregnant again, with Angus. And of course Angus was born with thrush too (obviously I have a candida problem) and the gallstone pains are back. I mean, anorexia deprived me of nutrients during a critical time of growth, but it also introduced my whole sugar-addiction thing (which I never had until that point). Did you know, until I became anorexic, I didn't think chocolate was that great? I preferred a bag of chips to a chocolate bar. And THAT is something I struggle with to this day.

Boy. So...changes I've made since that time? I won't bore you by going in-depth. I'll just stick to the short, snappy version. I'm completely 100% NOT anorexic anymore. Thank goodness for THAT. And Chip? Long long gone. I mean, I will always care about Chip. And be mildly curious about his life and how he is getting on. But I am so deeply and reverently in love with my husband. Who not only--just let me say--is a wonderful husband but SUCH a good Dad. I wish all girls could have such a wonderful man to marry.

And who ever thought I'd have two kids? I'm a MOM. Weird. I still feel like an adolescent in a lot of ways. Still tentatively feeling my way in the adult world. People still treat me that way too. They read the signals I put out or something, and respond automatically I suppose. But I am a Mom. I have to remind myself of that sometimes. I have to tell myself 'you are responsible for the well-being of these children'. It is a mind-blowing task when you think of it. A very serious burden. But I would never, ever want anyone else to be trusted with those two precious souls. I want to be the one that loves and nurtures them. I just hope I don't make some horrible mistake and end up, years down the road, miles apart emotionally from them. Oh--there's tons of fears like that. But I do my best. Or at least, I try my best to do my best. If that makes sense. If there's one thing I can say about the past year especially, it's that I try really hard to improve and be better. A better wife, a better Mother, a stronger person. I can confidently say that. Let's just hope I keep on trying.

I really should go to bed. It's almost midnight, and who am I kidding? There is absolutely no chance of me sleeping in tomorrow, and my night will be interrupted at various 2-4 hour intervals to nurse Angus, and the chances of having a nap are always slim.

Hope you weren't too bored to read my little introspective journey. I know those things often are much more interesting to myself than other people.

Happy New Years!

pictures and words

2010-12-30T13:55:00.002-07:00

Today is Ben's second day of work. I think I am getting used to looking after the two little ones alone now. That doesn't mean it's easy though. I am woefully inadequate at giving them both what they need. All the time I have to choose--which one do I make happy, which one do I ignore temporarily? But the point is, the thought of looking after them alone doesn't make me burst into tears. That's progress, right?

I captured some of Angus' smiles on camera. I have a heated hatred of flash so some of them are blurry, but--so cute! Especially the third to last one in my opinion.

I've been trying out the snuggle wrap again. It came in handy this morning, I was able to make and eat breakfast and do the dishes.

I had fun taking pictures of Angus on the bed. Every now and then I threw in a snap of me.

Owen loves grabbing a hold of Angus's little hands and feet. On a tangent, the tops of his thighs are getting all chubby, with rolls and everything, and then tapering down to two tiny lil feet. So cute.

I love the pictures the frost paints on my kitchen window of a morning.

Haylie's coming over soon to hang out and she's bringing banana bread.

Btw--a REALLY good movie--'On a Clear Day'. Watch it.

don't have time to post today

2010-12-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

so this'll have to do.

Angus

2010-12-28T03:19:00.000-07:00